Behind Blue Eyes
all around me are familiar faces........going nowhere.
I need to vent..i have wayy too many things floating
around in my head that its hard to focus during the day..
i need an outlet..i hope this diary thing helps.
ive been feeling so lost and lifeless lately; its not like
me. i always know what i want but lately im confused.
it doesnt help that *jason* calls me 15 times a day. i
went off on him today and i feel bad i really do, but i
cant take it anymore, its over, were done, and he wont let
go...all he does is sit at home in his bed and cry and i
feel awful about it but you get what you put into life and
right now he wont even try. not my fault.
not that i feel much like trying lately either, im just a
better actor then him. inside though i swear im slowly
drowning... people and things are flying by and im just
standing there in a daze. and its not about *jason*
because i am so relieved that its over..you can hide
bruises from other people but YOU know there there and
eventually enough is enough... so enough of that
im going crazy at work...i have to move and breath and i
have people in my face all day. i saw *dave* yesturday. he
stood behind me in line and said "so pumpkin, are you not
saying hi to me anymore?" i felt like dumping the coffee
over his head. guys are such doushbags. (is that how you
spell it? i dunno i suck at spelling...) i still cant
believe that he was seeing *carrie* the whole time... i
mean is one not enough for guys these days or what?
the worst is i still have to smile and say "what? no..
ofcource not..i didnt see you standing there..how are you?
oh thats nice, have a great day!!!" because according to
my manager..."its part of the job"....lucky me.
so *jake* invited me to a party on saturday and i dont
know if i should go or not...all he wants is to hook up..
i dont know if i really care that much anymore... the rest
of the world is shallow and selfish i should just jump on
the band wagon. maybe a night of meaningless is all i
*nic* never called me. why is it that the ones you want
never want you back and the ones you dont want always want
you? its a vicious cycle. well last night on the phone he
told me how much he liked me but then again talk is cheap
so im stupid to believe he meant it. i guess that means im
a stupid .
"their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression,
no expression..hide my head i want to drown my sorrow, no
tomorrow, no tomorrow, and i find it kinda funny, i find
it kinda sad, the dreams in which im dying are the best i
ever had. i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to
take, when people run in circles it a very very mad