Thoughts Of A Dying Atheist...
Well today wasn't too bad... well it kinda was, but not
really... dean wasn't in for the second day in a row... that
does kinda irritate me, coz when he used to take a day (or
week) off school just coz he couldn't be arsed to come in, i
didn't really mind (well i did but it wasn't too bad) coz i
had ben to hang around with... but now ben has run off to
haverhill for ever, and if deans not in, i'm only left with
a few people...
I would like to see sam more, but she's always with jam, and
thats understandable, coz i do the same with Richard...
Kaz, Hev, Faf and Bex (Ju) are my new friends! lol i never
really "hung out" with kaz, hev or faf, i only did if it was
a random impulse... but now kaz actually waits outside
lessons for me at break and lunch etc. and we all go off and
eat etc. its good fun! lol they're all lovely... Bex (my Ju)
is great too! we have such a laugh sometimes!
Iona is blatently not happy... and she can't fool me! i'll
ask her how she is, and she'll look me in the eye and tell
me that she's fine, but i can see through her like glass,
and blatently know she's lying! but i feel wierd around her now!
When i asked for space, i wasn't cancelling her out of my
life altogther, i just simply wanted some room to breathe...
but now i bearly see her! and when i do, i feel awkward, coz
she thinks that i don't actually want too...
I asked her if i could sit next to her in science today, and
she gave me a very dirty look which basically told me to
fuck off! and if she wants to be like that, then thats fine!
so i sat next to alice instead... But it turns out that we
were all off to the computer room anyway!
I kinda spoke to her at the end of the lesson but it was
awkward, and brief... i don't know what i'm gonna do...
I pissed off Richard today aswell... I really didn't mean
to, but i needed to talk to him about things...
Basically i'm becoming... errrm... i supposed irritated is
the word, but its not really bothering me that much... well
anyway... i suppose i'm becoming irritated with the fact
that i don't have faith in what he says sometimes...
I mean, for example, the other day, he told me that his mum
took him to the doctor, and then he got sent to the hospital
and got blood tests etc. coz he apparently passed out...
(which he has been doing for a while now)
And then the other day, in normal conversation i mentioned
this to his mum, and she had no idea what i was on about!
and apparently richard hasn't been to see a doctor in ages!
I think it was that which really set me off... i mean, i
just basically don't want to be lied to, especially by
I mean, its nothing big, its just the fact that every time
he says something, i have to decide weather its actually
true, exaggerated, or just a complete lie! and i really
don't want to have to do that about my own boyfriend!
Well anyway, i basically confronted him about this, and he
agreed with me... (although i'm not really sure what he
agreed with, but anyway...)
But then he got more irritated etc.
I just had to tell him! coz i really don't want to have to
even think that my own boyfriend is lying to me every 5mins...
I really don't want this to affect how we get on in any way
at all! it was just something that i needed to discuss with
him! Frankly, i was hoping for more contribution from his
end... but that doesn't matter...
Oh, he's actually so lovely to me, and we have great fun!
its the little things which make me smile! but i really
don't want to fuck that all up now, by confronting him about
Should i have done it? or shouldn't i?
Who knows... i will probably go and see him after school
2moro at some point, coz i really do want to go and see him
just to make sure he's ok...
I do love him... and miss him loads, even though i only saw
Anyways, i'm off...
Love you both xxx