La Vida Mia
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2005-03-09 17:13:51 (UTC)

March 9, 2005

im at work. blaaahhh. i really dont like my job, but i
will try to stay here a little while longer. i said i
would stick it out for three months but its already been
one and i dont know that i can take it much longer. at
the very least i will stay with it until i find another
job. i dont want to be unemployed again and looking, that

my personal life is dry, dry, dry. until last night i
hadnt heard from the "fella". only reason he called, i
think, was becaue the night before i send him a good-night
text message. then he called he following night, last
night, and said "he had been meaning to call me and hoped
i was okay" and all tha other stuff you say when you feel
obligated to talk to someone.

see, theres another guy. very funny, every nice. we get
along great and id really like to keep him as a friend.
but i think he likes me like that. i wouldnt think that
except that he calls me all the time "to talk" and doesnt
want to let me leave the convo when we chat online. and
when we hang out he always wants to sleep on the floor
with me and durig the night he inches his way closer to me
so some part of his body is touching some part of my
body. im not even remotely attracted to him. if i had
a "type" he definately wouldnt be it. i feel bad for that
because hes got the best personality and we like all the
same stuff, but i dont see the attraction thing going
anywhere ever.

even if i was attracted to him nothing would happen
anyway. and well thats partly the "fellas" fault. i
think im still hoping against hope that something will
materialize from that. i have all of these fantasies
about my "fella", daydreams if you will. i guess i always
have these daydreams so its no big deal but still......

anyway sometimes i feel that my situation with the
personality guy is the same as with my "fella" but
reversed. that the "fella" likes me but not liek that
even though sometimes i get that vibe. im always sending
him the vibe. he knows how i feel. hed have to be
brainless not to. i also make sure not to send out any,
ANY vibes to the personality. i dont want to confuse him
like the "fella" is confusing me.