Living Is a Hard Thing To Do
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2005-03-09 16:06:32 (UTC)

What's a Girl To Do?

I really hate myself. So...I finally talked to matt. We
actually sat down and had a conversation without yelling
down each other's throats. i don't know what to do. I
really want him back, and he wants me back, it's just that
right now..we just can't be together. It's going to take a
LONG time. But the thing is, my family now hates him more
than ever and i miss him more than ever and he and I love
each other more than ever. I wish that life were easy and
i wish that I could take back everything i did to him and
everything that he did to me, but i can't erase the past.
Have you ever just known that the guy is "the one" and no
matter wht, you know deep inside that you two will
eventually be with one another. i need matt and I'm glad
that we can still talk because he was my best friend he
meant the entire world to me. I just tried to break his
heart before he broke mine and now that i've realized what
i did, it's too late. All I know is that he means
everything to me. and i've been dying inside without him.
He's what's kept me sane since my mom passed away. Maybe a
few months down the road, Matt and I will get to spend our
lives together again, and i really hope so, because i've
never wanted anything more in my life than i want him
right now. i don't know what i'd do if i found out that he
was seeing someone else. i don't think he'd do that
because he knows that would ruin all of our chances of
getting back together. we both have to take it slow and we
have to do it together. i don't know what i need right
now, but i know that i need him in my life and even if we
can't be together as a couple, i want to be able to talk
to him and let him know what's going on with me, because
when i lost him as a boyfriend, i lost so much more than
that. i lost the love of my life, my mom all over again,
my best friend and the one person who could always make me
smile. I'm in love. I'll wait forever if i have to because
like i said i KNOW deep in my heart that he and i are
meant to be together. He just needs to realize it.

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