poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2005-03-09 09:22:24 (UTC)

Game over ......

basque65 : may I ask what is wrong?
successonthehorizon: just something with a guy back home
that i really liked ...
basque65 : oic
successonthehorizon: we had this friendship with exclusive
benefits going on
successonthehorizon: I thought distance would change things
successonthehorizon: but the past couple weeks we seemed to
be getting closer because we were playing this game ...
successonthehorizon: and it was fun ... he was my master
and ... oh well .... he started something ... then today
when I went through partially with something he told me to
do and I came back to tell him about it he got all weird...
basque65 : that must be frustrating you physically?
basque65 : may I ask what he asked you to do?
successonthehorizon: and then I found out by accident that
he's been doing things that he did with me with someone
else ...
successonthehorizon: he told me to find a partner ...
someone to satisfy me (but that my role is only to please
him as my Master ... and the partner I find is there to
please me ...) ... I thought it was rather kinky but I went
along with it because I liked him and it was my way of
staying close - connected
basque65 : did you find a partner?
successonthehorizon: yea ... but things didn't go exactly
as planned ...
successonthehorizon: I was supposed to call him ... so that
he could tell the guy what to do and listen to make sure it
was done ...
basque65 : how come?
successonthehorizon: I tried to call from the guy's cell
phone but it was a blocked number and my guy back home his
phone doesn't accept blocked calls
basque65 : ic
basque65 : so its falling apart?
successonthehorizon: I guess ...
successonthehorizon: the guy and I didn't even really do
anything
successonthehorizon: he just played with me for a little
while - I mean a very little while ... but he didn't get
naked and i didn't even touch him
basque65 : fingered you?
successonthehorizon: when I got home I called Joaquin to
tell him ...
successonthehorizon: he played with me with a cucumber
basque65 : did you cum?
successonthehorizon: he asked why I hadn't called and I
explained the situation ... and I started to tell him what
happened because it was all a very big let down ... but he
cut the conversation short by saying he had something to do
for work
successonthehorizon: I came a little
successonthehorizon: and told me to call later, which I
did ... but he never answered
successonthehorizon: and he was on line and I tried to im
him but he never responded
basque65 : ouch
successonthehorizon: and then I went to this website called
my space and saw he had a profile there
successonthehorizon: it's a place for connecting with
friends and people etc.
successonthehorizon: and there's a comment section where
people who are in your friends network can make comments
successonthehorizon: well, I saw a girl had made a comment
on his page
successonthehorizon: and it was dated the 7th of march ...
and she said she had gone to the store today and saw
cucumbers and thought of him! and then she said he could
tickle her anytime
basque65 : OUCH
successonthehorizon: I just feel as if someone has punched
me in the stomach
successonthehorizon: I mean he wasn't my boyfriend
successonthehorizon: but I really liked him ... and I did
things with him that I never did with anyone else and
that's why I was so willing to play the game
basque65 : but you have/had a relatonship
successonthehorizon: I just want to cry ... I'm sorry
successonthehorizon: I feel so humilaited
basque65 : I wish I could loan you my shoulder
successonthehorizon: I'm just so stupid
successonthehorizon: I've been calling him all this week
and we've been having phone sex ... and I've had a few
experiences that I've shared with him ...
successonthehorizon: and now I just feel horrible
successonthehorizon: I'm sorry to have ruined the mood
basque65 : what kind of experiences?
successonthehorizon: a couple coffee dates that turned into
one night stands ...
successonthehorizon: one didn't include intercourse
successonthehorizon: ... I should've known better ..
successonthehorizon: my feelings for him were never the
same as his for me
successonthehorizon: I just got carried away
basque65 : yours were stronger?
basque65 : carried away?
successonthehorizon: yes
successonthehorizon: mine were stronger
successonthehorizon: I wanted more
successonthehorizon: but settled for less because for some
reason I really liked him, I don't know why
successonthehorizon: but I did
basque65 : emotional attachment
successonthehorizon: yes
basque65 : love to give you a hug right now
successonthehorizon: sweet of you
successonthehorizon: thanks
basque65 : yw
successonthehorizon: I've just been turning to sex lately
because I've been wanting a connection if only a temporary
one and having Joaquin in someway linked to that, no matter
how crazy it sounds, really made me feel closer to him
basque65 : vicarious connection?
successonthehorizon: perhaps
successonthehorizon: stupid
basque65 : or surrogate connection
successonthehorizon: a little bit of both maybe
successonthehorizon: his behavior today hurts, but finding
out about that girl and the things he did with her ... that
hurt even more
basque65 : i can imagine




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