GoobersSmooches

worse than teenage poetry
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2005-03-09 05:19:02 (UTC)

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I've had a boyfriend for a month, a little over that. Not
that long by some standards, but it is to me. It's actually
a pretty big thing to me.
Yes, I said falling in love. When I first mentioned that to
one of my best friends, she was shocked, as if I said
something incredibly stupid. But when I considered it today,
it makes sense. If you enter a relationship with someone
that you truly like, and care about, aren't you waiting to
fall in love. I didn't say I was in love, I am in the
process. And it makes sense. Even though it's high school,
love still exists. I understand if it is a relationship just
to have a boyfriend, just to release sexual tension. But
everyone is looking for love, for someone they can finally
care about.
It's weird because I get scared, looking into the future,
knowing it is going to end sometime, and that the closer I
get to him, the more it will hurt. Yet I continue to get
more involved. Love has to be something big. There is so
much hype about it, so many definitions, it is a huge
driving factor in the world. Look at literature, movies,
almost everything has a romantic plot. Love is exactly what
it's cracked up to be and more. The quote that says it is
better to have loved and lost than never loved at all has to
be true, it's taking a risk, but it has to be worth it from
everything I've heard.

As much as I love the look of the written word, the feel of
a journal, it is much faster to type everything up. Except I
fear it could be lost. Or I could write something I wouldn't
want the world to read. But why would I care? A random
person finds out something about me, hell, someone I know.
Would it really matter?

Another random thought I had earlier. Nick has liked me
multiple times. By now, he totally knows my personality, my
quirks, my random stories, my random outbursts, that I can
be a bitch. And yet he still liked me, for me. And I don't
think I was attractive at all in eighth grade. That's pretty
admirable. I guess he accepted my flaws. And it's not any
hassle for me to change anything about myself if it's minor,
but I just thought that was pretty cool of him.

In people, there are a lot of things I will overlook for a
long time. Just personality wise. Everything about them will
be completely fine with me until months later, when it
begins to get to me. I don't notice it at all at first.
That's what I can't be asked if anything bothers me this
soon in a relationship, I have to wait and see those things.
I guess it's not a good thing that bad habits only begin to
bother me in the long run, because that could be a problem
in future relationships.

Another thing I need to change. How to control my tone of
voice. That gets out of hand easily. I do have an expressive
voice, but overly so sometimes. Keep it calm more often. I
guess people that know me well enough get those things about
me already though, but it has to piss some people off.


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