Dissatisfied

If Only....
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2005-03-08 21:12:53 (UTC)

Inhaling Thrills through 20 dollar Bills

3:57 PM

So I could really go for a cigarette right about now, but
I am out. I just got done reading this one girl's diary
and it upset me. Nothing but run on entries about coke and
Ice binges and man...it just brought back horrible
memories of my own. I can't even believe I was like that.
I was seriously lost and Gone...and fortunately, I was
able to be saved because if it weren't for GOD, I would
still be in Houston with all those fuck face "friends"
smokin ice and doing it every week for 5 days at a time.
It kind of just slipped me into a horrible mood. And I
shouldn't even be down on myself for the past. I should
just be happy that I am where I am now because it is so
beautiful. I bet there are people back at home that think
I am still a meth head and that I just said I was moving
to florida so they could rationalize my disappearance.
That is so horrible. All the people at Liquid saw me like
that- walk in when I looked half way dead, just to get a
pipe to have another fix... That Sucks. I worked there-
and I was the clean one. The one who got fired for smoking
pot in the bathroom with another employee and a manager-
adn the irony was that I had barely picked it up again for
like 2 weeks before that had happened.
Then I walk in with some weight issues, am doing coke, and
then smoking ice. My fucking clothes were hangin off me. I
looked like a sick model. 5'1...yes, short- but still a
sick model. I was depressing. I was depressed- but more
than that- I was hopeless. Having such a strong mind and
still falling into the traps- it makes me feel really
fuckin sad for everyone else who is on that side of the
fence. FUCK ALASKA... It is too fuckin cold to rot there.
That is what Houston became to me. A fuckin Glacier. A big
ass hole with Ice running around every corner you turned.
It is an underground society and when you're getting
fucked up with those upper class executives and those are
the ones who you never would have thought did shit like
that- That is sad. When you are a 21yr old mother of a 2
yr old boy and your splitting at his birthday to get
fucked up with some stranger... That was me.
Enough of the dwelling.
Thanks KinkyKitten, for bringing about such awful
memories. I am going to stay away from your journal.
Basically, I hate the game UNO and crossword puzzles
because that is what I did when I was iced up for days on
end. Fuck straws... Fuck anything other than POT.

BRAINFREEZE....


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