MY LIFE.. or something kinda like it
2005-03-08 19:33:40 (UTC)

There's got to be an easier way..

I'm obviously, not doing real well on my "diet" but I'm
beginning not to care!! Not.. I know that's a lie. I do
care, but it's too hard for me to deal w/ when I worry
about it all the time. Which I do. I wish that I didn't
but it's always in The back of my mind!

I wonder all the time about what else I can do, about what
else I can resort to without having to eat right. I know
that is a waste of time, I'm trying to be logical here, but
It never works out the way I want it to.

I'm looking to lose like 60 lbs! or more.... I'm not
talking about small potatoes here! That's a lot of weight
to lose! It's depressing when I've been working my ass off
and I've only lost 2lbs at the end of the week.

My problem is that I expect it to just magiclly disappear
after 1 week. I know it won't just happen that way, but I
still get pissed off like I haven't been working hard
enough. I'm trying again today. I'm going waliking and I
don't want to, but that's the only way I am going to get
anything done the way I want it.

My husband says that he loves me just the way I am, but he
is just blinded by the fact that he loves me, period! He's
the only form of positive support that I have. My mom is
like " you have to lose weight before you are too unhealthy
and die!" blah blah blah.. But at least Teddy is like If
you want to exersize then I'll do it w/ you.. even though,
he doesn't need to!

It's all in my head for the most part, b/c I think that
everyone is always thinking or saying behind my back that
I'm so fat and that I've gained so much weight, but really
what the hell makes me think that everyone is so obsessed
w/ me???? What even makes me think that everyone is so
worried about my weight??

It's ridiculous for me to be so self absorbed that I'd
think everyone is always thinking about me and my big fat