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2005-03-07 01:17:00 (UTC)

just another damn day

My roommate told me I looked good today. She is very
weight conscious and is the only one that has mentioned
anything to me about my weightloss. Anyway, for no reason
at all I started telling her about my eating disorder. It
just came out. I have thought about telling my roommates
due to the fact that I have become so withdrawn from them
and it makes me feel bad. I withdraw because I have no
energy to socialize and because they are always eating and
I do not want to have to say each and every time, "No, I
am not hungry" or someother bullshit lie. I guess I feel
better that she knows, but on the I just
have one more person that will be checking up on me. Oh
well though, she will move out at the end of April when we

Anyway, I should be doing my homework, but I just do not
feel motivated. I never do though unless I take adderoll,
which my sourse has been depleted. Damn! I should also
clean my bathroom and do laundry. My boyfriend has like
five shirts here and so I am always having to wash his
shit. Actually, I take that back. He would wash it, but I
always beat him too it because I cannot stand having shit
in the laundry basket. I am too anal. That is wear this
fucking eating disorder begins. The fact that I am a
perfectionist. BTW, today I weigh 127lbs. I do not
remember the last time I was this light. My BMI is now 18,
which categorizes me as being underweight. I do not feel
underweight though. My hips are still wide and my ass is
still fat. I wish they would just go away. I do hate the
fact though that my boobs have left me. I was a 36C for a
while, after I got on birth control and now I am like less
than a 32 and a small B. Fuck! I feel like a boy. I think
that if I end up getting accepted to graduate school in
Fresno I will get implants secretly and just tell everyone
that my tits grew... Anyway, I need to