justme

my own corner of the world
2005-03-06 23:41:56 (UTC)

It hurts so bad sometimes

"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever
known, don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I
walk alone." -Green Day (absolute geniuses)
I went shopping with mom today.... It was fine, but I can
never find clothes that I like....
Oh well....
I really miss Jared a lot today. Sometimes I miss him so
much that whenever I think about him it's a physical
feeling that I have. It's like there's a weight in the
pit of my stomach that I can do nothing about. "Absence
makes the heart grow fonder." Holy crap is that one
true.
There's a cliche for pretty much everything isn't there???
Of course there's always the opposite of this one
too, "Out of sight, out of mind." But I don't think that
one applies here...
I just..... I don't know.... I just want to be his friend
at least, a friend that he wants to see more than every
few months... Even if it doesn't become any more than
that, even if all we ever are is friends. I can handle
that. It would be better than what the alternative
probably is, which is nothing... No relationship at all.
And I don't want it to be that. But this sitting around
and waiting to see what happens thing is really starting
to become unbearable.
There are only two people in my life that have left me
like this, Katie and Jared, and there's at least a
definite future with me and Katie. We're going to live
together and it's going to be great next year, and we've
always known that it was going to end up like this. But
with Jared and I there's all these unanswered questions
and all these extra feelings that I just can't put labels
on and that bothers me.
I think that's part of my problem. I try to put labels on
things and fit them perfectly in their place and sometimes
things just don't really work that way. Sometimes things
just are what they are and you can't define it and there's
not a nice, neat little box that I can fit it into. And
that sucks for me because it's really super confusing, but
I think that it's something I'm going to have to get used
to when it comes to me and Jared.
End quote: "The scars remind me that the past is real...
and I'll tear my heart open just to feel." -Papa Roach




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