Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2005-03-06 18:18:23 (UTC)

My car engine is halfway done

Last night I went through so many feelings for Astrid.
It was like one after another. We talked for hours last
night on the computer which was so cool... even though I
brought up our relationship with yeach other. I hate doing
that because I don't know what to to expect... maybe its
fear of what might happen. I don't know, but I have an
uneasy feeling whenever I do.
I was right she still has feelings for me. She even
called me when I wanted to hear her voice in the early am
hours. Today I woke up without a lot of strength, and I was
hurting. I mean my heart of course. It will always hurt
being without and away from her.... It always will I
guess. :( I don't want to give up the happiness I can have
with Astrid, I want to see her at least once before
anything happens.
There is no room in my heart for fear anymore.... just
pain. Sometimes my heart does pound very hard. But love...
its just so powerful. and emotionally dominant. No matter
how much I feel though, I know what I want to do and who I
want to be with. Its not easy in the least bit at all
though. ::sighs:: If I ever win her heart back I swear I'll
never let this happen again!
Everyday, I'll make her happy with my love and never
neglect her not even when I'm dead tired and need to work
the next day. I'll visit her often at least once a month or
sooner too. I want to hold her close when shes lonely or
sad.... I want to laugh with her when we are happy. But
more than anything... I want her back... I'm such a
freaking mess without her. I can't do what I need to
sometimes or get anything important done in my life because
of it. So thats why... I have to go see her. Oh man with
all the talk about the girl I love, I forgot to mention
that I finally got my old car engine out. Now I just have
to install the new one. alright later


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