void deck
2005-03-06 12:38:33 (UTC)

ma famille

I hardly talk about my family with friends. I don't know
why, it just does not seem right to talk about my family
because most of the time I would only talk about the bad
things. I am not very close with my family. Mum and Dad
always seem very distant to me, so does my sis.

That is why I feel awkwardly exhilirated when Mum picks up
this new habit of calling me. For the past 5 years, it has
always been me calling home, about once in a month.

She has been trying to reach me these few days... always
at the wrong time and I ended up not picking up the call
and trying to guess who has been looking for me all the
while without ever leaving a message.

My niece is staying with my parents now... she got kicked
out from her house because she stole her friends' money in
school. Gosh, I must say that is quite a 'feat' for a
child of six years old.

I have never seen a single happy family. Never in my life.
And I am not expecting that I will be the pioneer. I guess
I am also doomed for an unhappy family life. That if I am
ever married, that is.

It has been 21 years and I have never had a single
relationship with a male. The only requited love I thought
I ever experienced has proven to be an illusion.

I think I should start to get used to the idea of not
having someone I love. Love is an illusion and it will not
happen to me.

That is quite saddening as love is really a beautiful
thing, I guess.

Be still, my heart. Do not covet something that is not
meant for you...

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