Lost Auzzie

Loz from Oz
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2005-03-05 11:00:25 (UTC)

friday night...

another night in vancouver...
im so in love with everything here in this city. the
people, places, food, shops, sights, sunsets...it all
amazes me every day.
i have a friend from sweden that never seems intrigued by
anything...the other day it was so foggy here and all you
could see of the beach was the shore and the rest was cloud
and mist. it looked awesome at sunset. i couldn't take my
eyes off it and i kept saying to my friend "how awesome is
it...i can't look away" and he was like "lauren, you think
nearly everything is like that. what i do is absorb it and
then analyse it and push it aside in my mind. i take it to
another level. you linger on it and thats why it intrigues
you so much"...
but thats not it at all i dont think. things like that are
so pretty and cool and i just want to make the memory last
for as long as i can. i guess i just think everything is
amazing in its own way...is that so bad???
anyways...i went out tonight to meet up with this guy i met
a few weeks ago, but it didnt work out. the club we were
meeting at was so busy by the time i got there and the line
to get in was CRAZILY huge. i phoned him and we met outside
and i told him i was just going to go home and the look on
his face killed me. he was gutted. i felt so awful, like he
was a kid and i'd taken away his favourite toy or
something. i think we're going to meet up tomorrow
afternoon which is tops, but i feel so bad about tonight.
then i couldn't stop wondering whether maybe he met someone
else tonight and will forget about me or something. i don't
know. i don't even know why i care. i'm going home soon i
think so i shouldn't start something i can't finish. i'm
not even sure whether i actually like him or whether i'm
just making myself like him because i know he likes me?!?!?
i've met so many awesome people while i've been travelling,
but it always seems like i'm the one that gets left behind.
they all go off on their next adventures and i'm left to
pick up the pieces and start over again. i'm left behind.
but then i meet more unreal people and i'm happy...but then
it happens all over again. kinda sad how quickly people can
come and go in your life. and now that its nearly my turn
to leave people behind, i'm all scared. i guess i just hate
feeling like i've let people down or something like that.
i'm always trying to be the one that makes everyone ELSE
happy. it's kinda exhausting sometimes but very rewarding.
anyways, i wanted this to be a happy entry but there i go
THINKING too much again...its good to vent though. clears
my brain...ready to make way for tomorrow nights influx of
alcohol HAHA
good night everyone :)
p.s i just watched 'copycat' and i'm scared out of my
brain! such an interesting movie though!