Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2005-03-05 08:04:57 (UTC)

stich in time

some say, that I'm anti-social. some would go on to say,
that I'm a snob. more, would regard me with contempt, and
think my silence or non commital nodding would indicate
a more serious reluctance to engage them with my presence.

some, would be absolutely right. the rest however, would
be dead wrong. I tend to not like to talk when I have
nothing
particularly intelligent to say. or when I do, it's usually
me bitching about something, whining about another thing.

or, alternatively, acting like the class clown because I
crave some sort of attention...

on the other hand. I've noticed a serious lack of being
able to speak to anyone on any real level. I don't like
small talk. I don't do it very well, unless I've known
the person, have a level trust with them, that I feel
is by and large at the point that I can say anything.

lately, thats been reduced to 4 people. 2 of which, I don't
talk to about anything in my life, and they are often the
ones with which I have the most contact, they always seem
surprised when I tell them things that I've not mentioned
before, or shocked...

I'm not sure what it is...

as for the bullshit with my now ex roommate, let me say
this... while I don't want him dead, buried, castrated or
otherwise eviscerated, chopped up and fed to sharks...
the loss would not affect me, in any way shape or form.

on another note.. I need a damned paypal account, stupid
assed not having payed account, can't make phone posts..
I spent 19 minutes long distance on the damned thing, lol,
during the day time, doing this long winded thing, and
poof.. it tells me at the end, that I don't have a paid
account and can't post it... I was pissed.. lol

but it's funny.. i mean.. it was.. I don't know why

well, crystal is coming out to see me... from winnipeg,
all the way from el hell hole central.. and she's going
to do something.. I suppose... perhaps my mood will
change..

perhaps I need to go and fuck off around the world like
I had planned... there is a certain.. true? desire? person.
that, I crave to see... touch... she is my divine
radiance...

but like many things.. I seem to turn to ash all I gaze
upon.

we'll see...