Jessica Smith

Behind the Mask...
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2005-03-04 19:05:45 (UTC)

alone

i am alone
not really but i am
things aren't okay
and there's no one there
no one listens
no one cares
i listen to them
but no one hears me
i care and offer my thoughts
but i must not be there

i am alone
this scares me
when i am alone
i think about suicide
yet i don't want to die
i just don't want to feel alone
i used to take anti-depressants but they didn't help
they made me fat
so i stopped

i've stopped lots of things
eating
my period
weight gain
my pills
but i have started...
losing weight
throwing up
obsessing about how musch i weigh
i exercise every chance i get
telling myself how fat i am
say i don't deserve to eat so i don't

no one knows
and so here i am all alone
no one to help me through
i guess i'll do it on my own
when i am ready
i wish i could tell someone, but who?

every time i try to ask i get scared
i think that who ever i am talking to won't like me anymore
i need to have people like me
i am afraid that they will think i am a bad person
i don't have the energy to fight like i should
i am getting weaker and weaker
i don't know if i'll survive alone
it's important


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