Dissatisfied

If Only....
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2005-03-04 15:11:01 (UTC)

So long to coke and methamphetamines...

10:00 AM

Well, I feel better...

Exercise: YES (approximately 1 hr)
Description: Aerobics/ weight lifting
Need to work on: Same as usual
Satisfied: A little
Mood: Refreshed

Feelings: I guess I am starting to have a little more
faith in myself which is a great feeling. I have a strong
mind- so I have been shown again by GOD... So why is it
that I convince myself that dieting and exercising is such
a hassle? I threw down my biggest battle with my mind
which was recovering from a methamphetamine addiction so
in comparison, this is a breeze. But yet, my concern with
my weight and my distorted self image was what got me to
that place anyhow. Just a thought. Oops- almost forgot.

Consumption of:
* 2 glasses of ice water w/lemon.

I know I will probably be looking back on this and laugh
one day, but OH WELL. Also, another thought came to me
last night- I am 21 years old, I have a wedding in June
and then we go off on our honeymoon. But what happens IF I
gain weight back? Is it going to be a battle I go through
every year around the same time? In no time I am going to
be an old lady and my weight control is going to be harder
and harder to sustain. What then? When will I finally
realize and absorb the fact that IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER?
God loves me just the way I am so why can't I be
satisfied? I guess this is a start because NEVER before
have I involved God in a matter of losing weight or being
healthy in this sort of way.
Anyways- Off to the showers, MAYBE.

Until the afternoon...


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