My Life as a Bipolar
Ad 0:
Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.
2005-03-04 14:58:25 (UTC)

First entry-this feels a little strange being online for a diary....

I am okay today. I feel pretty up without mania. My
energy level is very much better. My meds right now are:
Lamictal 200 mg daily
Gabitril 6 mg daily
Klonipin 1 mg daily
Paxil 12.5mg daily
Seroqel 200 mg at night
Wygesic prn pelvic pain.

Am I up a little because of the Wygesic? I don't know,
just not knocking it!
I actually slept last night, so hard I had trouble waking
up. I can't remember what I dreamed. I had a dream night
before last that was disturbing.

I dreamed I was out with Wayne and we were supposed to be
together, but Peggy Murray(sister) was out with up at this
really upscale clup. They had a shop in the bar(kinda
like Hard Rock does, and I picked up this really cool hat
without paying for it, and walked out. It was ok, I
didn't get caught. Peggy was just hanging out, not
talking to me or Wayne or anyone. Anyway the night
progressed and I danced with Wayne and everything felt
right like it used to. Then Peggy puts on rollerskates
and starts skating right there in the club(Austin Powers-
Goldmember). Then Wayne ignores me and dances with other
women much prettier than me with great bodies.Peggy
doesn't come back and I am at the table alone. Then Wayne
tells me we are not together, and "I don't know why you
think that" and I had to leave alone. Another abandment
dream, imagine that....

After 9 years I really should be able to let him go, even
in my dreams. But he won't go away. I wish he would die
so Tera could say "my dad's dead" instead of knowing he is
total deadbeat loser.

I am not working right now and do not want to. Income $0.-
what to do? File for disability, that's what to do, but
the paperwork seems like a mountain I can't get over.

Dad's having two inguinal hernias repaired today at
Hamilton. It's supposed to be one day surgery, but I have
my doubts. God, I hope it will go well. He won't be able
to lift anthing heavy for weeks, putting a heavy load on
Mama. I should help, but I don't know how to and she
won't tell me how.

Tera got off to school this morning in her usual cheerful
way. I pray she will be untouched by my bipolarism. She
is such a confident angel. She is my heart.

Today I will go up to the hospital in a little while to be
with Mom during the surgery. Then I will pick up Tera at
school. An ice cream cone after school thrills her to no
end. She is so happy about the smallest of things.


Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here