Helpless mosochistic love
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2005-03-03 21:08:46 (UTC)

Lost: Family

Im sorry but I seem to have lost my family. I hate everyone
at my house they could care less. Well you know I wish I
could kill myself sometimes. But thanks to my frinds like
GG I know that its the wrong thing to do. But ive gotten
into the habit of cutting my chest. (the only place where
ppl wont be able to see my scars.) I know its bad but its
like my friend missy once said. Watching the blood drip
from your body its like all your problems leave with it.
But I dont even feel the pain and I smile a sweet but sad
smile. Then when I come back to this world I want to die
again.And its always at my house that I get all my thoughts
of suicide. Please someone, I pray, to kill me.But I get
out and like at brandons house and I envy his family, here
there a family where they dont beat the shit out of there
siblings. THey pick on each other but its only fun. And I
just wish I could have a family like that. They dont yell
and fight constantly and making you feel like you dont want
to be there. My mother pisses me off and she has to
constantly remind me of my failing grades. I wish I could
just skip it all and get to my funeral already. Im sick of
being reminded of my failures, as if I didnt know about
them already.