Kalamity K

The Daily Chaos of Kalamity K
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2005-03-03 14:18:57 (UTC)

TAXES and HOW THE HELL DID I BECOME A LOWLIFE RAT?

Yeah. Last night just got better and better.

I got home to mail from the fucking tax people. Amazing,
they can send me letters and such to my address but even
though I filed a return with this address on it last year
they couldn't possibly have their act together enough to
send me a goddamn tax package to do my return this year.

The fuckers reassessed my tax from last year and now claim
I owe them $53.44. In actual fact, I owe them $50.58, but
they were kind enough to charge me $2.86 interest because I
haven't paid it. You know what? You fucking morons, it
took you a year to figure out my numbers were $50 askew?
You pay the fucking interest. If I don't pay it by 17
March, they say, they will charge me more interest.

I about lost it. In fact, I think I did lose it,
internally, for a couple of hours. I ranted on my bf as I
drove my car to get to the store to get my pen, where we
arrived, as I had predicted, at TWO MINUTES after 1900,
therefore finding the store closed, though there were still
people lined up inside purchasing items. As I said to my
bf, if I could have got my pen last night, everything would
have been okay. And he knew it, too. I'm weird like
that. Stupid like that. Whatever. WHATEVER. I finally
broke down and told him about it when I got home. Of
course, he barely has $10 to scrape together to pay for it
but knew how much I wanted to get it and so said we could
go. FUCK I ranted on the way there and back. Also missed
the gym. I hate myself. I'm really fucking starting to
fucking hate myself - again.

So I owe the fuckers $53.44. Okay. I know in the grand
scheme of things it's $50 and nothing to lose my lunch
over, but you guys, fuck off, WHEN THE FUCK DO I GET TO
CATCH A FUCKING BREAK? I used to believe you had to be
good to be lucky. I'm starting to believe you have to be
moronically stupid to be lucky because the luck isn't
flowing in my direction. This $50 might as well be $5000.
Okay, perhaps that is slightly overstating. But I had a
$50 loan bill to pay last week and I didn't follow my
budget well enough (granted it was only roughed out for
last week, so I'm not overly mad at myself for it, it was
meticulously planned down to the penny for every day in
March...) and couldn't make ends meet. So now it's an
extra $100 I have to come up with. I haven't paid my $45
to the symphony group yet - $150 now we're talking. I
could go through my list and by the time I'm done, I've got
damn well near $1k of extraneous bullshit nothing bills to
pay ASAP. Except ASAP has been dragging on for almost 2
years now. It's to the point where I start feeling guilty
for fucking buying groceries, because if only I wasn't a
fat stupid ugly cow and didn't eat so much, I could pay a
few more dollars on my bills.

So, that is the real reason behind why the $53.44 tax
reassessment is making me SO FUCKING ANGRY. That and why
the hell are they worried about coming after me when the
fucking government has spent millions - billions? - in a
few scandalous ways that are now coming to light? And
geez, people, this is a simple mistake your software should
have caught when it was processed. (Well, I'm not really
sure what is going on there, they adjusted some income from
when I was in school and some medical expenses, I'm not
really sure how they can do that last bit but okay, I'm not
going to take it up with them, not fucking worth it...)
And...like really. Because I make such a pitiful amount of
money a year, I get a tax credit every quarter. It amounts
to - gee - about $56 dollars. Let's think. DON'T PAY IT
ONE MONTH. Shit. Or even better, take it off this year's
taxes.

Yeah, I know. I'm acting like they care about me, one
individual, when they have 30 million people to look
after. Well guess what? For $50? I'm pissed. Go after
the fraudsters, you morons. Wait...I guess that would mean
going after yourselves.

So, I get to really rejig my budget now. The bills I had
hoped to start paying off at the end of March, the ASAP
ones, will have to wait.

And bloody hell. Now I sent an e-mail and FUCK DO YOU
THINK I COULD SCREW ANYTHING MORE UP ALREADY? JESUS
CHRIST. I could scream. Was supposed to send out an e-
mail to the people here saying 2 of my supervisors are
away. I copied the same people TLS copied for hers who are
away. Fucking management bullshit - secretary to the bitch
who runs this place sends me an e-mail back saying, "Do you
know why they are away?" Yeah. If you read your fucking e-
mail, you'll see that TLS already said one was away for
training and I think I just got the other in trouble.
STUPID FUCKING BITCH. (That's me.) Oh god I am going to
SCREAM. SCREAM. SCREAM. I already reconsidered sending
it to everyone and just sending it in the department, but
fuck, I did what my bloody team leader did...but of course,
she only sent it to all staff because one of the people in
it was the boss of this section. LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO
KNOW THAT? So now, great, I think I inadvertantly ratted
on my supervisor. I feel sick. SICK. And now I have to
go and sort it out. FUCK FUCK FUCK. GET ME RIGHT THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE. NOW. AND YUP. THERE'S TLS NOW, K2, YOU
DON'T DO THAT.

YEAH. AND I'M NOT A FUCKING SECRETARY, EITHER. FUCK OFF.

FUCK.

K2

P.S.: A FEW MINUTES AFTER THE SECRETARY OF THE BITCH WHO
RUNS THIS PLACE E-MAILED ME, QUEEN BITCH HERSELF E-MAILED
ME TO "PLEASE ADVISE" WHERE MY ONE SUPERVISOR WAS TODAY. I
FEEL SO FUCKING SICK. HONEST MISTAKE, YES, BUT I KNEW. I
WAS JUST LAZY. BUT HONEST TO GOD. FUCKING WHAT DOES SHE
SEE HER ROLE AS? BIG FUCKING BROTHER? I SHAN'T EVEN TELL
YOU THAT SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN...MAYBE IT'S HER FUCKING GOAL
IN LIFE. I FWDED THE E-MAIL BACK TO HER ASSISTANT AND
SAID, YOU DEAL WITH THIS, TLS ALREADY SPOKE TO YOU. I
COULD RETCH.

I AM NOT AND NEVER EVER WILL BE A MANAGEMENT LACKEY AND
LOOK WHAT I'VE DONE...

I'll likely end up working management-side somewhere,
screwing all the little people in my law-career. I can say
that, you see, BECAUSE I'M NEVER GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING
LAW CAREER. Stupid fucking fat-assed ugly rat that I am...
I'll screw something up to make sure I never succeed. It's
my SCHTICK.

Whatever. I'm going. I don't even know if I have enough
fucking room in my smoke and mirrors budget (which is
infinitely harder when you don't have a credit card or line
of credit with which to play) to coax out the dosh for my
pen. FUCK THIS CANNOT BE MY LIFE THAT I CANNOT AFFORD A
TEN DOLLAR TREAT TO MYSELF THAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR
WITH SWEET ANTICIPATION FOR TWO YEARS. CAN IT REALLY
BE? REALLY? OH MY GOD I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THIS ANY MORE.

AND I'M LOSING ANY OF THE PATHETIC MOTIVATION I HAD TO DO
MY FUCKING JOB. THEY WILL FIRE ME. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE
ANY MORE. I JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I'VE TURNED INTO
EVERYTHING I CAN'T STAND IN CO-WORKERS. EVERYTHING.

EVERY FUCKING THING!

YOU KNOW...YWSBN TELLS ME NOT TO COMPARE MYSELF WITH A FEW
CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS THAT HE WORKS WITH B/C I'M NOTHING LIKE
THEM AND IT DENIGRATES ME AND HIM AND US WHEN I DO IT.
EXCEPT I FEEL LIKE THEM...BUT HAVE LESS FUN ON THE JOB.
HE'LL HATE READING THIS BUT I BET I'M JUST LIKE THEM, NO
BETTER, MAYBE EVEN WORSE AT MY JOB, THAN THEY ARE... I'M
NOT HAPPY DOING IT. THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS THAT I
HAVE MORE EDUCATION (YIPPEE LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME) AND MORE
SMARTS (AGAIN) AND MAYBE MORE CLASS AND STYLE (AGAIN).

THIS HAS TO STOP. BOYFRIEND KEEPS SAYING IT WILL COME,
JUST WAIT.

MY NORMAL ANSWER HAS BEEN, WHEN WILL IT COME, WHY DO I HAVE
TO WAIT?

NOW, I'M JUST FUCKING CONVINCED I FELL OFF THE PATH OF MY
LIFE SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY AND I SEE NO WAY TO CLIMB BACK
ON. IT WILL COME, HE SAYS. YEAH. THE SLOW SINKING
REALISATION THAT FOR ALL MY INTELLIGENCE, EDUCATION, WIT,
DRIVE, DETERMINATION...THAT MY PARENTS' PREDICTION CAME
TRUE. I BURNED MYSELF OUT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW (THIS WAS
NOT PART OF THEIR PREDICTION) MY STAR HAS FALLEN TO FATE ME
TO A MID-LEVEL BULLSHIT STATISTICALLY AVERAGE EXISTENCE
ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER DENIZENS OF AVERAGE AND BORING.

[-S C R E A M S-]

THIS CANNOT BE TRUE!

YOURS IN FURY,

K2


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