Ad 0:
2005-03-03 12:52:24 (UTC)

Thinking About Things

I've been thinking about things today. My husband has a
blog that he's keeping. He asked me not to read it. He
won't tell me what the website is. I do know that anyone
can read it. I understand him wanting the privacy because I
would hate for him to read some of the things I wrote in
mine. It's just that I'm having such a hard time trusting
that he's telling me the truth about wanting me. I'm so
scared that he has some kind of plan or just saying things
to keep me calm because he don't want me to hurt the baby.
I'm thinking about looking on his computer to see the name
of the site so I can look it up. I just want to read it and
make sure he is telling me the truth. Just once. I feel
like if I read it and everything he's telling me is in the
blog, it would help me to move forward and trust him. If it
says what I fear, then I need to move on now, not later.
The longer this drags out, the more upset I will be. I'm
trying Lord, really trying to trust him but something keeps
telling me not to. I need to know. So I think I might leave
work early and go check out his computer. I know it's wrong
but I'm dying inside. The contant what if's are eating me
alive. I figure I would call the house before I leave to
make sure he didn't come home early. I hope he don't
realize what I've done. It's just to help me move on,
that's all. Lord forgive me for what I'm about to do. I
know it's not right, but I need Your help. Let me see his
blog so I can move on. You've always helped me in the past,
help me with this. Make sure my husband doesn't know about
it. I don't want him upset with me. Please help me. Amen.