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2005-03-03 01:55:34 (UTC)

some things never change...

im really glad that kendall and mellisa had a good time at
the concert. that would have been really awesome to be
there. oh well, maybe i can convince parents to let me go
to a concert soon.

im extremely upset with them over something really small.
and it isnt even upset i think its more annoyed by their
behavior. it probably seems that they should be the ones
saying this about me hah. when i am around just my mom
she is like my best friend and when i am around just john
he is like my best friend. when you put the two together
its not too much fun for me. it seems like they dont
listen to me and they dont care what i have to say. lately
i have been disgusted by mcdonald's and where do they just
decide to go tongiht of course the place that i dont want
to go to. and mainly it is just because treston wants to.
that i the worst of it, i say that i want to do something
its no. if he says the same thing its a yes. im getting
really sick of it.
i have also been feeling extremely emotional lately, and i
dont know why. i almost cried because john told me to stop
clicking my hair pin, and it was loud enough for me to
hear it over my head phones. and all they do is complain
about the dumbest stuff. i mean we cant go to any type of
eating faciluty without mom saying there is something
wrong with her food. why cant she just be happy that she
gets to have food like that. and people who are too picky
bother me such as adrienne.

i wish that there was something that made me feel really
happy right now but there isnt anything i can think of at
the moment. i guess the fact that mom's professor said she
wanted to read my poems is exciting. she will probably
think they are too childish though. ha

and shi told me that adrienne thinks i hate her. its only
because i gave her a dirty look when she was throwing
water on shi. and one is because shi didnt even do
anything on purpose and so adrienne decides to dump water
on her. how dumb is that? and then they make a mess every
single day and expect the custodians to clean it up. that
is their job to clean the tables off, but dont deliberatly
make a mess and expect someone not to get made at you. and
i know they were goofing off, but if you want to throw
stuff go do it outside.

i think im going to become a recluse. ha i just feel
better when i am alone and i feel like i can speak better
through literature. when i talk about anything interesting
i cant get the words to sound right. and stephen made me
feel even worse tonight when i was trying to tell my
opinion on the death penalty and i kept on repeating
myself. i knew i was messing up my words so i got
embarrased and my face turned red then he had to say, "why
is your face turning red"
im too shy to do anything unless it involves meeting
someone new or doing something i have to.
im not trying to sound conceited, but i am a whole lot
smarter than a lot of people my age, not including kendall
haha. i may not know what certain words mean. but i can
figure it out by context clues and such. and am way more
observant of what goes on around me. hardly anyone knows
how mean they are sounding without realizing it, or how
stupid they sound or disrespectful something is. and no
one listens to teachers which i find completely rude.

im venting a whole lot in here. but i guess that is what
diaries are for.
have a good night everyone.