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2005-03-02 08:34:55 (UTC)

lets play lizzy....

maybe this will make me eat less...

scrambled eggs: 100
strawberry crepe: 100
frosted miniwheats w/soy milk: 250
salad w/nonfat ranch: 110
cooked cucumbers: 50
bread w/ hummus: 100
few bites of fettuccini: 50

total: 760

eh... not too bad i guess. a lot of those were estimates,
but still. i kinda wanna try to be under 500 tomorrow.
just to see if i can. i would've been today if inna hadn't
called me and dragged me to dinner. i really have to stop
compromising myself just to keep up appearences w/inna.
i'll never get anywhere that way. not that i'm going
anywhere now. haha. eh... i kinda felt thinner today.
dunno why. i think its my stomach. its actually being flat-
ish, and not all bloated. good times. it seems different
this time some how... like i don't have this overwhelming
urge to eat like i usually do. lets hope it lasts.. ha. so
tomorrow... what meal should i go to??? lunch usually has
tofu... thats 190 for 2... not so bad. plus a salad, and
that would be 300. leaving me 200 for dinner. if i get
forced into going to dinner that is. i hope not. 300 on
the day would be so nice. i think i'm gonna walk tonight,
i feel like doing it for the first time in awhile. maybe
it'll do me some good.

in other news snooze kindly informed me the other day that
i am clinically depressed. i'm not sure if i agree.
obviously theres something not right with me... shit i was
crazy this morning... lol. but ionno i still tend to think
i'm just being lazy and stupid. like all the times before
when i tried to loose weight but failed. just being lazy
and stupid. maybe i should jsut go to class tomorrow? but
going to class doesn't really teach me anything... i could
study up on my own and whatnot, but having missed 2
midterms i'm not sure how much good it will do.. i've been
considering killing myself on morrissey's birthday. but
then i have to deal with the end of this quarter which
will inevitably suck. i just wanna take a break from the
world. wake up where everything is ok. start over. i can't
even imagine how horrible it would be living at home... by
god, i'd probably lose it. totally and completely. at
least the degree of freedom i'm afforded here is somewhat
calming. i hardly know what i'm talking about now. i think
i'm gonna go smoke

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