MY LIFE.. or something kinda like it
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2005-03-01 20:04:00 (UTC)

Do it or die trying

I've decided to try the diet I had to stay on when I was
pregnant w/ my daughter. It's basicly a diabetic diet, and
I'm not really a diabetic anymore, but go with what works,
I guess.

It ain't gonna be easy, and I'm not really excited about
it, but when I think about the long term asspects of it, I
know that I have to do it. I have to do it for health
reasons as well as selfish reasons.

I have it in my head that My husband will be happier w/ me
if I felt better about myself. HE would never say that,
and he might not even feel that way. But I think it's
true. I have gained alomost 70 lbs. since we first started
talking. (3 years ago.) only 50 of that was frm me being
pregnant, then I lost 30lbs after I had the baby, and
gained it back, plus some!

Let's face it, I'm never going to be comfortable weighing
so much. There are women who are big and proud of it, and
embrace their size and that is great! I mean, I've tried
coming at it that way, but it's just not what I want.

I'm just not happy w/ myself this way and I won't be until
I can get rid of it the right way.... or not the right way.
At this point, I don't even care how I get rid of it. I
just want it GONE! I thought about surgery, but Teddy
don't even want to talk about that. "too risky" he says.

It sucks b/c there are times when I don't want to have sex
w/ my husband, b/c I'm just not feeling very attractive.
This is a man who has always has the best things to say
about me and who never says anything about my weight and is
obviously attracted to me the way I am. But I still want
to be under the covers most of the time!

I need the stregth to do what I've got to do.