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2005-03-01 13:12:52 (UTC)

Good Day

Yesterday was a good day for my family. My husband and I
talked for awhile. He wasn't in the greatest of moods but
he also wasn't real depressed. We talked about what we are
going to do with our daughter once school is over and when
I'm going part-time. He wants me to work through my
pregnancy so I can get medical leave paid for. I wanted to
quit this summer but he says he wants to do this the smart
way and save as much money as we can. So basically we have
to put our daughter in child care over the summer. I'm not
sure how much it will cost but I guess this is for the
best. He also told me he had to make an appointment to see
the doctor about his problems with his medicine. Hopefully
he will finally get on something that will work. He said
something about the game he plays too. He said he mentioned
about being on antidepressant and the kind he's tried. He
said everyone, not a few, but everyone on that game is on
some kind of medicine. I told him that should tell him
something about the people he's talking to. I don't mean
that they're bad people, just that they are troubled people
and that their state of mind is probably not stable. Then
he says he's trying. I asked him trying what. He says that
he's trying not to rely on the game so much. I told him
that I don't want him to stop. It's just he's on it so much
that I feel like the people on there are more important
them me, and I get worried that another susan bitch will
come along and he will do the same thing again. He says I
have nothing to worry about that it won't happen again, and
the reason why he stays on it so long is because people on
there can relate to what he's going through and that they
are not more important then me. I asked him if we were
still ok. He said yes and if there was a problem I would
know by now. I told him that I don't want things to get the
way they were. I want him to tell me if there is a problem
so we can work on it. I don't want him to go off and do
what he did before. He says ok. I hope he is as commited to
me as I am to him. I will never cheat on him and I will do
almost anything for him. I just want him to love me like
that. I never want him to think of leaving me again. If
he's just doing this to calm me down because I'm pregnant
and things are going to change after the baby gets here. If
he ends up going back the way he was after the baby is
here, my marriage will be over. I can't keep going back and
forth like this. I just hope he realizes this because I've
been broken and I've picked up the pieces and put them back
together. I will not let him break me again. I will move on
and get on with my life one way or another. He also asked
me if I want him to talk to my mom. I told him it's up to
him when he wants to. He wanted to talk to her and tell her
about the baby over the phone. I told him no. If he want to
talk to her about our marriage and explain to her what
happened, that's up to him. I think we should tell her and
my dad about the baby in person. They just wouldn't take it
well over the phone. Anyways I'm still early and still
could miscarry. I rather wait until we are in the safe
zone, which is still 4 weeks away. That way we know the
baby will survive. Dear Lord, Thank You for every blessing
in my life. I know that You will always take care of me and
everyone I love. You know my worries and my fears, please
make them go away and bring back the joy in my life. Show
me that my marriage will be alright. Help my husband get
over his depression and be happy again. I want my husband
back, please help him through this. Thank You again. Amen.

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