ABUNAI

I stab you with hot french fry!
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2005-02-28 21:19:56 (UTC)

Change...

I guess I need to start changing. I grew up saying to
myself "don't compromise with this world, don't change
yourself to fit other's wants". Well, if I still want to
keep the people I hold dear to me...I'm going to have to
change...to compromise...to always be on guard of myself
and make sure I don't do something I'll regret later.
Lately, I've made so many wrong moves. But, it's no
surprise right? I've been making mistakes my entire life.
With little essential guidance I would receive from
everyone else in my life, I learned to be the way I am now
and do the things I've been doing. I've become too
dependable on people, too high in expectations, and too
careless with my own actions. I'm at a point in my life
where I just don't want to do anything anymore in fear
that I'll do something wrong. But, even when I don't do
anything at all I'm in the wrong. It
hurts...inside...knowing that whatever I do, think, or
say...I'll be doing something wrong...not normal...or
inconsiderate. What is my purpose in this world? I thought
it was to love and be loved...but I'm not even loving...I
don't even love myself. I hate myself and everything I am
and all that I have done. I get what I deserve...I get
what I give...and that's nothing.


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