K Tru

Judge Tenderly of Me
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2005-02-28 06:46:23 (UTC)

I'm willing to sever my own arm off...

I don't know if I've rid myself of Dude yet but I am damn
close.My entire being shutters at the thought of having to
sleep with him, Damn....that's harsh but I literally
cringe at the idea.He's served his purpose, and now it's
time that we part company.This whole idea of being cold
and distant to not encourage unwanted behavior, or solicit
unwanted feelings, works rather well as a defense
mechanism.I can identify with why so many men do it to
women and vice versa.I just wish he'd get the point and
not do that whole, "I'm gonna dump you, then call you a
couple days after," bullshit. I mean really it's quite
ridiculous.Now when I'm with him, I just want to be
somewhere else, where he isn't.We're doing exactly what I
didn't want to do with anyone after my ex. Argue about who
cares more and get teary and over dramatic...Yeah I'm cool
on all that sentimental shit.Don't cry for us, we were
never together darling.
I read in a philosophy book about how people who search
for "love" are simply those who depend on a person to make
them happy.I go on to wonder if it's indeed possible to
lead a perfectly fulfilling existence without a
significant other. But then thought about how it was those
relationships that enriched our otherwise bland lives.I'm
not against love but just don't see it in my future
anytime soon.But should I be drawn in again by loves
seductive force, I will embrace it, given the right
circumstances.But look at me go off into my own mind
again...
Not much is new kids, I work ALL the fuckin time, and the
thought of havin to do this type of work forever pimping
myself for 8.50 an hour, drives me nearly to tears.But
it's enough for me to maintain until I get some photos
together. School doesn't start till June 13 if I was
accepted, but I'm almost positive that I am. So perhaps
that's enough time to get somethin started. should
somethin major come along then school can wait.I can only
hope that it works for me.All I have to do is keep this
gig, where I'm already kickin ass, and handle the
bills.Things are about to be a lot different this summer
I'm 21 this time, oh shit.


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