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2005-02-28 05:13:30 (UTC)

Introduction to S

So many things going through my head right now. It's crazy.
I had another adventure with S. I don't feel comfortable
referring to her with her name for a few reasons... She
will always be referred to as S. I had written about the
first night (technically the 2nd) we had together and
emailed it to myself so that I didn't forget anything about
it. I'll post that first to update ya'll (the two of you
that read this) and then I'll go on to the most recent
events. :)

******************EMAIL TO SELF:******************
I'm emailing this to myself because I have stopped writing
in any journals. But, I feel the need to write this down
because I don't want any of these memories or pictures in
my mind to fade.

On November 1st, I contacted S through email. She was a
woman I had known awhile back.. we had talked for awhile
and ended up sleeping together the first time I went to
visit - the night was amazing. But, I never heard from her
again after that. It was a one night stand that I wasn't
not aware of. I really thought we had something going, I
cared deeply for her. Something got me thinking about her
and I decided to just drop her a quick email:

--I was just sitting here thinking about you.. Random,
yes.. But I thought I'd let you know. I hope that all is
well with you.


The dwarf you knew for one single day/night. (hope that

I didn't expect to get a response but I did and, of course,
I didn't think to save it. It said that she knew who I was
right away from the email address. She apologized for
everything she had done and said that she really wanted me
back in her life. She's engaged to a guy named Rick,
they'll be getting married in July, and she will be
graduating from Purdue in May. We've talked back and
forth through email and she's mentioned wanting to have
dinner and show me her pictures from England. We've done
our fair share of flirting as well, but that was how she
and I always were.

She was online while I was at my mom's house this past
weekend - November 12-14. On the night of the 13th she and
I were chatting and she asked me if I was free the
following day, Sunday. I told her that I had a church
event planned with a couple girls from work and asked for
Sunday night but she had a study thing planned with a girl
from class. We talked for awhile and she said "ah hell"
and she decided to do away with her studying and meet me.
I decided that I would drop my plans with my co-workers and
would try and spend the day with her. She decided that we
could meet at Circle Center Mall in Indianapolis. We met
outside of Auntie Anne's by Parisian on the 2nd floor. I
came down the escalator, started looking for her and heard
my name. When I turned around and looked at her, my
stomach sank... my heart was beating so rapidly. She is
gorgeous! We walked around the mall for awhile, stopped in
to a few stores.. Every once in awhile I'd have a hand on
my back.. she'd squeeze my hand, etc.. She mentioned maybe
wanting to see a movie so we checked on the times and
such. We decided on The Polar Express at 4:15 but it was
only 2:30. So we went to this Alcatraz Brewery for
lunch... had a great time talking, flirting, just having
fun. She reached across the table and asked for my hands
and she sat and held them forever. I kept pulling back not
knowing what to think or feel but she'd ask for them
again. We walked over to the movie, got our tickets and
went inside. The minute we sat down I had her hand on my
leg.. She leaned over and kissed me and I thought I was
going to puke... I was nervous and excited - had no idea
what to think or do. The whole movie was full of heavy
petting and making out. It was exactly what I have been
yearning for for so many months now. Somewhere during all
of this she mentioned what she wanted to do to me when she
got me back to my place (?!). Well, I blew that off
because I assumed she was just caught up in the moment.
When we left the movie we went back out in to the mall but
we only had a few minutes to walk around because it was
almost 6:00 and the mall was closing. She asked me if I
wanted to find a Starbucks or something and I was all for
it because I wasn't ready to let her go. I hopped in her
car and we drove around trying to find one that was open.
We found one, I bought our coffees (she bought the movie)
and we sat down. It was nice conversation... very plain,
common, comfortable. She asked me if it was ok if she came
back to my house. I told her that it was perfectly fine
with me but she'd have to wait outside for about 20 minutes
while I cleaned the place up. She was ok with that. She
decided to go to McDonalds and grab a couple drinks while
she was waiting. She came back in and we laid on the bed
watching tv - more heavy petting, kissing. The tv ended up
going off after awhile and we had the most wonderful night
of passion. She is absolutely amazing.

Now, the sex was incredible, yes. I'll never be able to
say otherwise. But, what gets me more than anything is how
S talks to me. She refers to me as Pretty Girl and says
that she loves kissing me, loves having me in her arms,
loves sharing this passion with me.. She calls me sexy,
tells me I'm worth something. She makes me feel so
incredible about myself. Her touch is so soft.

But, morning eventually came... I woke up to her arms
wrapping around me, her lips pressing against my forehead.
I turned the alarm off and we played around in bed before I
hopped in the shower to get ready for work. When I got out
of the shower she was dressed... she kissed me goodbye and
I watched her pull away.

I'm so afraid of losing her again. I know that Sunday
night didn't mean to her what it did to me. She's still
got Rick and is still getting married. I really want her
to be happy but part of me wishes she was that happy with
me. I'd love her forever if she'd let me... she's

I dont know what will come of us now. She's promised me
that she won't run away again and that she really wants us
to stay friends. I understand that we can't always have
this physical connection, but just having her in my life is
more important.

We'll see, right?