Elizabeth M.
2005-02-27 05:17:38 (UTC)

Things sinking in

Everyone keeps on asking me if I am ok? I just wish that
they would leave me alone. I took care ok Katie's C. baby
today. It was funny because my sis and Kate were gone for
about 3 hrs and in that time Katie called 2 times. I told
her that Lexi(the 5mon old) was fine that she woke up from
her nap and I changed her diaper and fed her and she was
smiling. My aunts came in and said that I looked like a pro-
like I was the mom. I laughted. Later amanda and I went
out to fine something from the funeral. I tired 2 outfits
and the 3rd one was the one I picked. It looks really good.
I went out to the bar and then smoked up. I told amanda
that I feel myself become bitter towards everything, I told
her that I didn't want to be like that but I feel like I am
becoming it. I don't want to smile anymore I don't want to
hug anymore, I bearly want to sing anymore, and I love to
sing. I don't want to work anymore either. I think that I
am depressed. I am unsure, I am just waiting to crack. I
feel like,... numb.. do that make any sence? I guess that I
am waiting to hit rock bottom. All I know is if and when I
kirk out I am sorry for the person who is around.
Everyone keeps on telling me that I need to be the strong
one, why me? I am always the strong one,. let someone else
be that way. Everyone is worried about me because I am not
eating and I have droped 1 size in less than a week. I am
just not hungry, alot has happened to me the past few
weeks, please give me a break!!! I just want to crawl in a
hole and just stay there.

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