ballroom massacre

false promises
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2005-02-24 04:33:14 (UTC)

Stress, stress, stress.

Yesterday I had my midterm in Art Appreciation, one word:
impossible. I mean, he told us if we got a 50% on the test
that it would be an "A", what the hell. I think I already
mentioned that though in my first entry. So then I had a
paper due today in Diversities of Schools and Socities
that had to be 5 pages that I did last night at 10:30,
then tonight about an hour ago I finished my paper for
English 1002 due Friday. Can this week be over with
already? I'm all stressed out and I hate when I'm like
this. Whenever I get into this mood I'm never satisfied
with anything and I just want the world to stop for like 5
seconds.

I got a new roommate yesterday too. The whole situation
was really random. Basically, she had problems with her
old roommate and I offered her my room if she wanted to
move out. So she did and Molly Mizer is my idol! Haha, I
wish I could go out every night and drink as much as she
does, but I just can't. She came in this morning at around
10am and it was awesome. We get along really well and
she's really cool. I didn't really know her before either,
I would just randomly pop up in her old room and talk with
her and her old roommate once in awhile but nothing ever
serious.

I feel like I have nothing to do now since I have all of
my major homework done. I could be reading some pages in
Psychology and take some notes to catch up since I missed
Thursday's class. Let's see, go to classes or be home an
extra day? To some they'd rather stay at school, but I'd
rather have an extra day to see my family and friends.

Lanny is "trying out" (I guess that's the process, I'm not
really sure) for In Dying Dreams, a local band out of
Elgin (I think), and they said they thought he was really
good and to come back on Friday. Lanny is also my idol. He
sings in The Fall of Pathew and might (I know he will!)
play bass for In Dying Dreams. I like the sound of both
bands so whenever I'm home this semester I can see him/the
bands play and then when I'm home for good I can see
him/the bands play whenever I want. I adore that boy
beyond belief, we've been friends and have been through
some shit and now we're cooler than ever. I've met a few
of his friends and he's finally met Megan and Stephanie
here and they got along (besides with his friend, haha)
and everything was cool. I hate that kind of tension when
one of your friends doesn't get along with another one and
you're just stuck in the middle, but not in this case.

I don't know why but Houston's death has really been
getting to me lately. I've come to the age (let's hope so
at least, I mean I'm almost 19 years old) where I finally
realize that it's permanent and all I have is memories and
sometimes those memories fade. I guess that's what bothers
me because some of our conversations/memories have faded
to me and I get so mad that I can't remember. I miss that
boy a lot and still to this day (almost 3 year later) I'm
still in shock that it happened. I guess I feel guilty
since I've been at school I haven't been to his grave at
all. Even when I go home for a weekend I could go, but I
never do. I wish I could just have the attitude like "life
goes on", but it's really not that easy.

This thing is getting way too personal and in-depth.. I'm
going to go smoke a cigarette.


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