VioLeNtLySTaTeD...

iF YoU OnLy KnEw...
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2005-02-22 22:20:38 (UTC)

The Sun Sets After Mornings Dew...

2002-01-05 17:58:39

The Sun Sets After Mornings Dew...


As the light, blue, sky slowly fades, the dark, quiet,
night creeps up, as I sit and watch, I think these
thoughts, day by day, the fear increases, the pain pulling
harder, faster, growing like repeated instantaneous spurs,
all of this inside misunderstood, the outside
unexplainable, I try to speak but nothing, no sound, then,
uttered fragments begin, caused by despair, followed by
endless tears of fear, pain, sadness, as if I was mourning
the death of someone close, the tears swell my face, I move
my hands wiping my wet cheeks, my vision blurred for a
moment, I look down at a small puddle, a puddle of pieces
of me, I stare, The glare of the moon causes a reflection
to appear…it was as if I were staring into a mirror, only
the person on the other end had no worries, no tears, no
pain, I stare harder, concentrating more on my eyes, on the
other end there was no fear in my eyes, just the glistening
from perhaps a light or the sun, a smile on my face I
concentrate harder and soon it seems there are no
surroundings just me, the mirror, and the other me on the
other side…I stare as another tear slowly runs down my left
cheek, my vision fully clear, my mind pondering a single
question, How? The other me…In the mirror sticks out her
hand as if I were to take it and follow… I pause for a few
seconds and ask myself should I go or is it too risky, it’s
a once in a lifetime chance but if I go I may never return
but isn’t that what I want…to leave this cold and dark
world, to be rid of pain and grief and loneliness, to go
where there are no worries no fear how bad do I want this,
I realize I wouldn’t be true to myself I’d be running from
my unresolved anger like I have been my entire life, I take
a step back from the mirror, then reality kicks back in at
the blink of my eyes I see myself in front of the mirror
with a loaded 380 to my head, my face swollen and dry, my
eyes blood shot red, breathing heavily, I realize the pain,
the grief, the dark, the sadness, the loneliness, that I
felt, that feeling of mourning the death of someone close
was me, my own self mourning, my very own death, pitying
myself for my mistakes and my regrets that have altered my
life in so many ways, there I stand the gun cocked, it’s a
once in a lifetime chance, if I go I will never return,
finally both inside and out are understood and well
explained, I put the gun down, told myself maybe another
day then slowly walked away…


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