VioLeNtLySTaTeD...

iF YoU OnLy KnEw...
2005-02-22 22:20:08 (UTC)

When Mornings Dew Fades…

2002-01-05 17:57:11

When Mornings Dew Fades…


Daylight appears, I find myself smoking a cigarette on the
front porch, awaiting my next obstacle, praying to God to
keep me sane for at least one more day, my thoughts
interrupted by my everyday priorities, the things I do to
please so many, I suddenly realize the awkward taste of
early morning tobacco in my mouth, I brush my teeth,
Thinking of what to do next on my daily agenda, as I rinse
my mouth and spit the water into the sink, my eyes shoot to
the clock, time has gone by so fast, it’s now 1:45 in the
afternoon, I gaze out the window at the light from the sun,
I place my hand upon it and feel the heat, the heat which
is now calming down after high noon, yet now I feel as if
I’m trapped in this small room of walls and a tiny box they
call a window about as big as my hand, telling me that
there are so many things out there I’ve yet to be
introduced to and so many I’ve regretted…I find myself in
the shower, letting the cold water hit my face and run down
my heated body, slowly down into the drain, disappearing by
the second, I look down and watch as my life, the pain, the
grief, the sadness, the dark, the loneliness, I feel and
all of which I have inflicted on my peers, going slowly
down the drain as if a feeling of freshness, a feeling of
clean, a feeling of a new day to start over was
approaching, then I find myself sitting down in the tub,
still feeling dirty, as the water from the shower hits me
harder causing tears to run from my fearful brown eyes, the
Shakespearian quote, “ Too early seen unknown and known too
late” repeats in my head, the tears have fallen yet no one
there to catch them but the rushing water going down the
drain, the fear in my heart increasing as well as my pulse,
I find myself face down in the water, trying to drown
myself, but the water not high enough, my heart racing, the
beat repeatedly thumping in my head, I shut the water off
and wrap a towel around me, I look up directly into the
mirror, this strange feeling shooting through my body, I
immediately look at the window and place my hand upon it as
if I were trying to escape, the feeling simmers down, I
look at the clock its now 5:57, yet it seemed as if I was
only in there for a half an hour, I dress myself and walk
out of the bathroom right into this stranger that I call
mom, I gaze at her silently for a moment, nothing said, no
pain nor fear showing on the outside, I only feel it inside
therefore she has no clue what’s really going on, no one
does because no one would understand so I keep it to
myself, as I walk away from her I see flashes of my life in
front of me, nothing ever good, all bad, then I feel faint,
I look up in the mirror as the cold water splashed upon my
face drips down into the sink, I grab a towel and dry it
then proceed back to the window, I find myself watching the
sun as the moon begins to appear, everything fades away and
I’m left standing there, my mind blank, just starring at
the sun in my own world, just stuck…watching as another day
ends and I pray to god for getting me through it so far…




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