The Apple

Fresh Words
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2005-02-20 19:31:24 (UTC)

2.20.05 Know What?

You know what I know? It feels good to be right. And I
haven't been right once this entire week. Not in any sense.
It's been either the right place, wrong time kinda thing,
the wrong place, right time, or the wrong place, wrong time
thing. Wow.
Today is Sunday, February 20th. It's six days past
Valentine's Day. Haha that means nothing, though. Today, I
woke up to the complaints of my mom at about 8:45...then I
turned on the movie Tin Cup with that guy who I think is
Kevin Costner...
I cried.

Yes, yes, I cried at the movie, Tin Cup. I don't
know what it is with me crying at movies that are not meant
to be sad when I watch them on Sundays. I remember I have
an earlier entry to which I cried to 8-Mile with Eminem.
Well, Tin Cup is about a golfer who is having hard times
who likes to gamble, and near the end, he can easily win
the US Open, but he doesn't do it. He lets his pride get in
the way. He gives up the US Open to prove that he can make
this awesome hole-in-one shot. I don't know much about
golf, but I know that the shot he makes is truly amazing.
But anyway, it's remarkable. When he made the shot, I
cried.
It's just funny how some people are, man. Some people,
myself not omitted, have built up such a callous of pride
that like no one can really tear through it. Especially as
a man. It feels so good being right that when you're right
3 or 4 consecutive times, you get so full of testosterone
and confidence and vigor that absolutely nothing else
matters. Maybe that's why I cried over Tin Cup. Sure, it's
about a golfer who has to prove something to himself, but
it's about so much more than that: it's about self-
fulfillment.
But it's not really about that, you see. It's about
surrendering the pride to God so that He can work with you.
We gotta keep growing.
On another note, TESTOSTERONE is something else. I've
felt it make my blood curdle before. I will never turn down
any competition, any race, any strong man's anything. I may
be the most competitive guy on the planet. Let's
concentrate on my competitiveness physically. I stand right
now at 6'1 and 170 lbs. I am in such need of competition. I
love to barely beat someone at something, and I love
comebacks. I don't love dominating so much cause that can
be old. But there is still something about the art of
physical domination that appeals to me:

Take basketball and football for example. In
basketball, people do not know me as a shooter. I'm,
instead, more of an ugly slasher who just relies on jumping
ability and strength to win. But there are those times when
my shot becomes scorching hot and my mid range game is
heated. And my squad will be getting KILLED, but I will
dominate the one person trying to defend me. And WOW,
that's one of those feelings up there in the top 5 feelings
in the world.
And then there's football. When I'm uncomfortable, I'm
not that good: I drop tons of passes, short or long, open
or defended, and play defense awkward and uncomfortably.
But there is this Zen thing associated with football,
this zone, if you will. For me, it's a matter of mental
relaxation and ego and testosterone. After I make a nice
play or two, I am mentally convinced that I am the fastest
player on the field, hands down. I may still drop a pass,
as my hands are admittedly flawed, but just try and catch
me. Haha it wont happen. And try to tackle me and watch you
get yourself stiff armed or eluded. That is probably 3rd or
4th best feeling in the world.

Oh, sorry, random tangent.....

I gotta go take care of some things. Haha no I dont. I hate
it when people say that just to sound busy or sound cool,
knowin theyre not gonna do anything.

Truthfully, I'm gonna go do nothing.

See ya


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