oh The AGONY!!!
driving by the yakuza house to get to 711
caroline just left for hasanuma a few minutes ago. I felt kinda sad as I walked
back to my apartment alone. It`s really so nice having a friend come stay
over. I got to show her around and she met some of my friends and
students. she really likes kamogawa, and that makes me like it all the more.
we drove down to tateyma yesterday. the road goes right along the coast, so
we could see the ocean and the mountains for most of the ride. It looked
goregous and I forget sometimes just how beautiful it is here. I wish a day
didn`t go by where I took this place and my being in it for granted. Caroline
bought a Hello Kitty coffee maker, a knitting machine, a print gocco and tons
of inks at the doki doki. it rained all last night so we decided to stay in and
watch movies. we both got a lot of work done on our scarves. then this
morning we woke up and made starwberry pancakes. they we awesome. she
brought some maple syrup with her that she brought back from canada.
good maple syrup is hard to come by in japan. i think the pancakes is going
to be a new tradition for us.
so I`m kinda bummed that she`s gone and the weekend is pretty much over
and I have to go into crappy work tomorrow and sit at my crappy desk for
god knows how many hours. I live for the weekends. I work for the
weekends, like fucking loverboy, and everybody else. It`s just that here, I
can`t pop over to caroline`s during the week. I can`t see anyone except the
weekends, and by then I`m just so sick of being with myself that I`m
bursting with excitement to be with people and do things with them. I used
to have daniel, and that played a large part in making me feel better being
here. But I was getting too reliant on seeing him everyday. He`s moving
away in just a few months and I`ll probably never see him again. Next year is
going to be a whole other ball game, and I feel more ready for it now then
when I was debating whether or not to stay another year because Daniel
wasn`t. I`ll miss him and all, but I don`t feel like my life will be as nearly
broken up as it would have been if we`d still be together. I`m happy the way
things worked out. I know our friendship still needs a lot of work, but we
both care about eachother. it`a nice to know he`s there, if I needed him.
I e-mailed yohsuke today. He never wrote me back after the last two
messages I sent him. I don`t know what`s up with him. he thought he really
like me. I thought we`d stay in touch, at least me friends. I`d still like to be.
I asked him if he`d like to go to the yo la tengo sounds of the sounds of
science show with me in late may. we`ll see what happens. I hope he writes
back this time. I used to love getting his e-mails every night or every
morning. I just want something! well, if not, I guess I`ll go alone. mope
mope fucking mope. it`s almost five and I have to figure out what to do with
the rest of my night. my apartment is really clean `cause I cleaned it before
big c came over, so I don`t have to worry about that. I haven`t spent a
weekend in kamogawa in a long time! I don`t remember what it is that I do
here! I`ll think of something...