*K*

daily self deceptions...
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2005-02-19 21:28:55 (UTC)

Long Night

Last night 'Dirty' and I were supposed to talk all night.
We usually do friday nights. We gave up going out on those
nights a while ago. We're in our 20s; not as important
anymore I guess.
Anyways, while we were talking his closest friend informs
him that he has very important tickets to a huge party that
night, being hosted by a famous musical "person". (just
keepin it kinda secret on whom it was...) Anyways, so I
finally was like yah just go. So he did.
He called me on and off all night. At one point I hear him
talking to a girl and just the thought pissed me off and I
wanted to break my cell phone. Next he called and I didn't
answer and he leaves me a message about how he and his
friends just got into a huge altercation with a bunch of
other men and it got pretty crazy and lots of people were
hurt. Etc etc. I called him back. Amidst all the noise and
such I could hear him, still angry. Saying he wanted to
just hurt someone. Kill someone. He fought. And he knew I
was disappointed. But he called me immediately. He wanted
me, his calming factor, to help him. So I did. I told him I
loved him, I wanted him to relax, and to be safe and have
fun.
He called me when he awoke this morning and most of the
talking during the 4 hours was about him being sorry. Etc.
We haven't fought lately and I love it. But knowing he
flirts while hes out just hurts. And he even said "*K*, you
never told me what boundaries I had or didn't have. Never
tryed to say don't do this or don't do that. I don't do
things because it's what I want". Sometimes I guess it
takes that realistic slap in the face to make me realize
maybe he really does love me. Really does care. And I know
he's trying so hard to be a better man for me. Maybe I
should try to be a better woman for him.


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