Please Dont Cry
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2005-02-19 13:49:56 (UTC)

Fuck Everything

I hate how I feel right now, it hurts more than anything.
I still have my boyfriend who I do love more than
anything. I honestly mean're my everything
Jayson. Yet, there's a part of me missing. I dont know
what is going on with me, like all I want to do is be
happy with him and not care about a damn thing in the
world, but I'm making that impossible for me to do that. I
know I keep hurting him in different ways making him upset
and I hate doing it and I cant control myself sometimes.
It's so weird.Like I've seriously thought about killing
myself, but I know how much I'd hurt him and the people
around me which has kept me from doing it. Exspecially Jay
I wouldn't want to put him through that since all he has
ever done for me has been good. Today Im going to
Allentown with my mom, out to lunch, shopping for house
stuff, and then I dont know. I want to see if she will let
me dye my hair. I want change, I hate the color it is. I
want it either red again or maybe like a brownish caramel
looking color. Something sexy, Ha. I went to Frenchtown on
Thursday with Nada, Holly to go to this kid Tim's house.
Which was very interesting. We took the f-town bus home,
and on the bus we had some fun convos with Baker, AJ, and
Jeff. Then we got there and hung around, and me and Holly
went to Kathy's to get coffee and ran into Bobby (shoot
me) yah he wasnt that annoying because he had to go to
work so it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Then we
went back to his house and played basketball and stuff
then walked to Milford to see my baby I love you. We hung
around then they all went home and Jay and I ate dinner
and hung out for a little bit then went to my house since
he spent the night over to help me babysit the next day.
We had an amazing night, but some problems, but we got
over them like we always do. Well thats it!

I love you hunny!