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Loving life one day at a time
2005-02-18 08:59:05 (UTC)


well here we are, i guess i cant sleep and well my baby is
past out...too bad that my book diary is in my place i
guess ill write here now and well there is a less chance
of him getting his hands on it. I drove home today took me
4 hours and then i whent to sleep and woke up to drive 5
hours back( fucking traffic). Why i have the need to
write..i dont know ive been feeling wierd lately i have
such a low ego...i mean my pa called me beautiful
yesterday and i started crying...can you believe that. ove
that..yesterday he just made me feel so beautiful and i
dont feel that way...i mean with my kidney infection i
cant even get out of bed so i look like im about to
die...everyday!! poor papi he must be so tired of me
looking like shit, yet hes so sweet. but then again its
kinda his foult..he fucked up and that brought my ego to
the floor and stepped on a bit...but this past 8 months he
has transformed in to the best man i ever knew..i guess
its true" you dont know what you have untill its gone" he
always tells me that he is so thankful to god because im
here with him today, he said that the worst thing that
could happen to him is loose me..and well he has worked on
his little problems and like i said he is so
beautiful...he makes me so happy...and well im here about
to hit my two year mark in the corps and im wondering what
im gonna do when i get out...its hard to plan i mean who
knows what will be happening then right...what if im
actually still with papi and well what if things just dont
work out...afetr all he does get out soon...:( will he go
back home?? he doesnt like to talk about it...he says lets
not worrie about that today k...today just hold me cus we
are here together...i dont knowif i would want him to stay
actually...i mean that is a big comitment...but i cant ask
him to even though i am going to hurt so bad when he does
leave if he does go...im so confused....well i should try
and get some sleep i do have work tomorrow...bye..