my life as it is.
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2005-02-17 04:41:23 (UTC)


Ok so today started off initially really awesome! And it
ended really awesome! But there were some things in the
middle that wre pretty rocky. First off, I went to
school.. which was a pretty good day today. Fun times.
After school I went to the brake place and got my brakes
changed, but they still squeek really badly so I have an
appointment at 8 am on Saturday to get them changed and
fixed for good. Anyway, while my car was in the shop
getting the brakes changed, me and my love, Chantel, went
to the mall where I made a really stupid comment that
went "Id rather be playing tennis right now" (instead of
shopping at the mall. Which was true at the time because I
was bored, however, it wasn't true because I knew that she
really did not want to play. The argument started,
however, because earlier in the day I had told her that I
didnt want to play, which was honestly true at the time
because I could tell that she didn't want to, and she had
already left her house and purposely left the tennis
clothes because she had no intentions of playing. However,
she felt guilty because she knew I really wanted to play
and offered to go and get the clothes, but me, being the
sweetheart boyfriend I am (yeah right) declined this offer
and said that I didn't want to play anymore, because I
honestly didn't if she didn't want to so I was just trying
to make her happy. Well to make a really long story
shorter, it ticked her off when I said that I wanted to
play at the mall and we didn't talk for like an hour..
yeah I know it was stupid and I regret it alot, we could
have spent that hour holding hands or kissing or hugging
or doing something contructive to our relationship, but
instead we spent it not talking. So we got home, and
somehow got onto the topic of her previous sexual
partners.. which was 4. I don't know how many times, but I
don't think it was that many. She thinks that hooking up
with 4 guys is slutty... but to an average high-school
girl in today's society it's really not... especially when
guys' sole intention is to get the girl in the sack.. with
a few exceptions.. me being one of them actually. I was
actually quite impressed when she said only 4 because when
I first met her I could tell that she was naive and
gullible.. but in a cute way. However, when other guys
abuse her like that it pisses me off and I think they
should all die. In my opinion, any guy that would be
friends with a girl, sleep with them, then appologize and
still try to remain friends with them is just a sleezeball
and does not deserve to have a penis. They think with only
that, and if they want sex at that moment, they will go
for it and try to act like nothing happened. The thing I
don't get with Chantel is that she bought it, and is
still "friends", I guess you could say, with them. It's
just sad because I know that if they had the chance again
they would definitely do the same thing, her having a
boyfriend or not. That's a thing that scares me, she is so
into popularity and stuff that it makes it hard for me to
trust her to do things because she may end up doing
something stupid without even realizing it because what's
popular is pretty much 100% of the time wrong. She is
getting a lot better now though since the whole Homecoming
issue, and I feel like I can trust her alot more recently
because she swears she won't do anything like that ever
again and I may be going out on a limb by trusting her but
it's what my heart is telling me to do and I can't deny my
heart. I just hope that my trust again doesn't get abused
like it did before and IF she did do something, I just
hope that she would tell me because it would be better
than living a lie. I also just hope she is being
completely honest with everything she has told me
regarding sex and things that have happened during our
relationship because it would kill me to find out that she
was lying, although I really from the bottom of my heart
don't think she is. Anyways, back to the Chris, Thomas and
Kirk thing, I think they are schmucks. Honestly, they
could die and I wouldn't care. They used my girlfriend for
sex and didn't even think twice about it. They got what
they wanted, and hung her out to dry and went back to the
relationship with her that they already had, friends. I
just wish Chantel would wise up and realize that she got
played and not just take them back as friends with open
arms because if they are ever alone again, I can guarentee
they would try something if they were feeling "horny".
Anyways, she thinks she is a slut. She is far from that.
She is a princess and perfect in every way to me! I feel
bad when she thinks stuff like that about herself but she
brought it on herself. She is over all of that stupid
stuff now and moved on.. back then she was ignorant and
believed anything a guy told her to get her into bed, but
I think this was mainly because her mom pushed her to be
ms. popular and do all the stuff the "popular" kids did,
and it gave her a distorted perception of life and what
she was trying to acheive. I know people are responsible
for their own actions, but when someone is feeding you all
this crap day in and day out you start to believe it.
Also, she (chantel) thought highly of herself so she truly
believed the boys liked her. Oh well though, that is old
news now and she is definitely not a slut. She is the love
of my life and just because some stupid boys used her in
the past she finally has me to show her true love and what
it really feels like. I promise to be the best I can to
her and try to make her see that Im not like every other
boy. We could not do anything sexual for the rest of time
and I would still stick around forever and be by her side.
It's not about that with me, it's about being in her
company. I just hope that she is being as honest with me
as I am with her because I know since Ive met her Ive not
even so much as touched another girl on the shoulder, with
exception to Alex because she is my best friend that is a
girl besides Chantel. heh. Ah yes, Alex. her and Chantel
are starting to become friends now and Im really happy
about that. Chantel always used to think I liked Alex, but
that was never the case. She always had a boyfriend, and I
always had a girlfriend. She is just the easier person to
talk to about my problems, and we can relate to each other
alot because her and her ex-boyfriend went through some of
the same things me and Chantel were going through so she
really helped me out and it formed a good friendship
there. Im glad Chantel is starting to trust me with Alex
because I would NEVER even think of doing anything with
her, that's just... NO. never gunna happen (no offence
Alex) Anyway, Im just glad we are starting to clear up
some of our problems, and starting to explore each other
more and get more comfortable with each other than we
already are because I know it took alot out of Chantel to
tell me who she has slept with, but it actually made me
happy to know it was only 4 based on the rough past she
has had :) So I definitely love her alot and her telling
me that didn't change anything! In Fact, it made our love
stronger I think :) I love her so much and would do
anything for her! And on that happy note, I think I should
end this beast. Talk to you tomorrow probably!

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