2/16/05 just here
Will had a spat with my love alexi this morring. Just
because my fried was ill and ask me to spend time with
her. Alexi keeps swareing that my friend wants me back in
her bed fucking her and useing her. But that is not so.
Sighs why is it woman want evey thing now adays why is it
men cant just provide for the people they love and not
have evey action questioned. I keep tring to figer this
out and come up with no answers. More then ever now I keep
seeing myself alone sitting in a nice old chair watching
PBS when Im old and gray. Just like my uncle. I look at
the most loveist gril I know and wish she would trust in
my love and know we will be together soon. But with each
pasting day I keep expecting her to ask me to reless her.
all because she dosent like my friend. I ask my self what
the fuck am I sopose to do change my values that I belive
in. am I sopose to be like all the other men and family my
friend has ever know and just drop her like some sack of
rocks. Dam it thats just wrong and I will not do it she is
my friend and I am all she has. My friend knows Im going
to be leaveing her sometime this year. I can tell she
scared for she has no other friends and no family to speek
of my friend really dosent know what shes going to do. I
worry a little about that but what do I do. I need to move
on with my life but I might not have a life to move on to.
If alexi leaves me theres nothing to move on to sighs. No
matter what I type in here if two people read it they will
get upset over something and I will wind up hurtting both.
sometimes I say to myself if I knew what I know now 4 yrs
ago I would of never moved out of Texas. I would of never
looked for someone to move in with or live with I would of
just stayed alone at lease that way I would of not hurt
anyone. No matter what I do someone is going to get hurt
and I know that someone is going to be me most of all even
though my friend and alexi both would disagree.