Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2005-02-13 00:47:27 (UTC)

Oh great...

After so long, I've dreamed and always prayed
everynight to meet the girl of my dreams. I thought I
did... I thought Astrid was her... FOR SO LONG I just knew
in my heart that ever since I fell in love with that girl I
wanted NOTHING more than to be with her forever. I STILL
feel this way... Today Astrid told me her grandmother's
life was in danger awhile back so she decided on going to
see her on spring break...
I mean I am really sad and disappointed about it. I
feel like my second chance was just taken away. That REALLY
hurts me.... more than anything right now. It still hurts
me that her new boyfriend gets to see her all the time and
me... not even once in my life... not even just one second
have I ever seen her with my own eyes. Or even been able to
just shake her hand or a small hug. I never got to show her
how I truly feel or experienced compassion with someone to
the fullest.
I'm alone and I'm without anyone... that cold and
painful thought caught up with me agan. I can't stand it, I
never had a chance at all? I want to cry so bad right now.
Sure Astrid and I are still very close. I just... I'm
trying so hard to make her happy... and for me too. I've
always felt that being with her is the only cure for me. I
can't stay at her house she recently told me that. Her
other grandmother lives there now, so there is no extra
room for anyone.
This is going to cost me everything in my savings.
Astrid is still not doing alright... shes been really sad
and crying lately. I'm so powerless and I hate it so much.
I pray to God to make the world better! Especially for me
and the people I love. I continue to depend on God, and all
the time begging for strength and power to keep going in my
life. I'm happy that I no longer wish for death. I just
want to be with...nevermind whatever I say doesn't matter
right now.