My River Within
2005-02-12 15:54:44 (UTC)

Obsesion or REality?

i just heard the song obsission by frankie j, and it
reminded me of thoughts n painful thoughts that ocurred 2
nights ago. I m so confused i dotn know what to do at times
that night i felt iwoukld never be the same , that i would
be like in the past even worst all because of myheart that
possibly that of something said to me in a vague environment
online, that may not be clear but brutally said to me that i
may have lost the only beautiful thing that i ever and
probably will ever have in my entire life, my better half my
soulmate, BUt i know that maybe just maybe that i could
but right now i am closed to the idea, BUt i know it is
possble htta i could find someone else, but now its to much
to want to take. right now i am raining with emotions and
maybe even to much to let know to the one i love. BUt i am
not afriad i never am now scared to show and say what i
feel becasue it is what i am and who it is inside of me.
SHe or maybe somone toldm e that i lost my last chance and
i havent been that same the rest of that night, i laughed i
enjoyed where i was at that time, but at the end i remebered
again what happend and i turned sad and then scared and
unavoidably hate started filling my heart even tho it was
not direct to the one i love. BUt for that night i feared i
would lose myself all over again because of my sadness my
fear that i lost eveyrthing that is natural, beautiful
unique, pure, soft , gentle and all that is love n more dear
to my heart and i am jus so scared that i will never hear
form her again, BEcause if i dont i reall y reallly dontk
now if i will be the same, i need it the love, HER LOVE it
needs me to i know it, i dont know why she lied to herself
why didnt she let heerself be happy, why do people do that,
BUt she knows better i know she does, but she just wanted ot
be friends and i was willing to except that. BUt i felt at
that last moments i had no liberty or freedom with her, i
coudldnt say one word one thing without getting her upset,
and maybe it was all my fault in that case, but she knows i
was beign true to myself and for some some reason it was too
THEY 1 . I need it , u have no idea howmuch i love you and
now U WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I CAN LOVE u in the purest of
ways, in the physical touch, just to touch you hand, hold u
in my arms and loook into your eyes and tell u that i I LOVE
YOU now u will never TRULY SEE that in me, maybe from
someoine els e u will but u KNOW that i thatonone NO ONE
WILL EVER LOVE U LIKE I DO u know that, and really we be
both r losing, cause i couldve gave u the world just with
being byyourside and comforting u in everyway u want me to.
i would be a slave for your love, thats how much i love you
funyn i mean it rymes. is juts well i jusr want u to know
that i will keep having faith and pray everyday in my mind
that one day u will retturn and talk to me , and let us be
......."FRIENDS again cause , oh god NO!!Q!!!!!!! i cant
lose my better half. every man needs a woman and i need my
soul and my heart back, plsss plzzz im begging u GOD plzz im
on my kness. i need to have u back in my life again. god for
this i will pray that u will grant me her again in my world
, in my life so i can be in peace with myself and in my
heart . i know i will be fine on my own, but ive been alone
for sooooolong, and i dont deserve it, i need love, i need
REAL LOVE thats why i need her. plz my goddess return to my
life. for it will all be better.....in the end for us.