The Diary of a Dead Girl..
2005-02-08 23:43:59 (UTC)

Why must I look at things like this..

I think I have a problem with telling someone something
straight up.. For example.. there has been something
bothering me for the past few days. My friend told me
about how she and her boyfriend erm.. did it.. and it made
me absolutely sick and I don't know why. Whenever I think
about it I just feel like.. ick.. They havent been dating
very long.. and like.. just a week ago they had their
first kiss and she was even worried about doing that! I
don't understand how she could do this.. I guess in a way
I feel left behind.. My boyfriend and I have been dating
for 8 months now.. But he lives in Kentucky.. I mean, I
know it would have happenned by now with him and me but it
can't happen because of the distance.. I mean.. 8 months..
compared to like one month of them knowing each other.
It's just not fair but I guess that just comes along with
the territory. If I chose to date online then I have to
wait until I can see him. That's my decision but I cannot
help the way that I feel.. the ill feeling in my stomach
when i think about it.. She wants to talk about it with
me.. but it upsets me.. like, a lot more than I thought it
would.. Maybe I'm jealous? Well, it's that and also the
way that she describes it.. how she said it hurt.. and how
she was bleeding.. and that it wasn't as great as she
thought it would be.. Maybe I'm worried.. but I want it
whether it hurts or not.. just to be connected to someone
in that way.. I don't know.. Maybe I am thinking way too
into this..

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