Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2005-02-08 22:13:31 (UTC)

Through each small day for my goal

Today has been pretty average. Well... yeah... I guess
so since its been awhile for me having to adjust to the
changes in my life. My dad and I went to the junkyard to
pick up a wood chipper. He's always wanted one so I'm glad
he's happy and I could help him, even though I was
reluctant to at first. I spent about two more hours on my
car engine today. I didn't really get a lot of it done
All thats left to do now is take last remaining bolts
off the bottom. When the soil drys enough, we'll be able to
jack the car up and get underneath it in order to do so.
And then after that, I'll do a final check to see if we
missed anything or any other electrical wires attached. And
then we can lift it out, and we'll finally be halfway
done! ::sigh:: Yes.. only halfyway.. and then I'll be
busting my hands open again putting the new one in.
I have not really eaten anything today. And I have not
spoken to Astrid yet today either. But I mean its really
ok. I do miss everything that we shared together... when we
were together. I still don't know how she feels about that,
or if she misses any of the things we had. Surely she does
miss a few things I believe. Its painful going through this
part in my life. Still.. I can't give up. I don't have the
heart to just quit and say I'm sorry again. I have to admit
though... this is a bit romantic when you think about it.
I lost her because of my neglect of our love that we
shared so close, and I wasn't even aware of my mistake. I
see everything differently now. She got with another guy,
to protect her heart and let go of me. I too tried to let
go, and got with a new girl. But it didn't last long
between us. I ended it because my heart wouldn't let me let
go of Astrid. I announced that to her one day, and now
everyday I work until I hurt in pain on my car. I'm making
every sacrifice I can, both big and small for time.
Even as each day passes, I try as hard as I can to
speak with her.. if not long just for a little while to
remind her that I do care. Soon, not too long off from this
month... whether my car is up and running or not, I'm
leaving for orlando, FL. I'm going to see the girl I truly
love in person for the first time. I want to show her that
I am still very much in love with her.
There is a chance that we may not be together again as
well.... a couple. But really in my heart... I feel that
everything that I'm doing is worth that chance. Thats how
it is for me right now... I just need a little faith in
myself and a lot more in God. Thats what was on my mind
today. I'll write agian when I feel like it.