MyFxSoul

MyFxSoul
2005-02-08 17:21:21 (UTC)

A mouth full

I'm done numbering these damn entries, doesn't make much
sense to do it anyway seeing as it dates them automatically.

This will be a short entry because I have to get showered
and ready for work. I think I might do the makeup thing
again today and that always takes a bit of time! We'll
see. I've been doing that more and more lately and
starting to feel decent about myself. My hair is growing
out, my face has cleared up...I'm not going to say I'm
happy with my looks but I'm not disgusted either. At the
moment anyway!

I cant believe I let this much time pass by since my last
entry. That's my downfall. I let so much happen that it's
hard to put it all into words, I can't remember it all...
So I don't write about it. I eventually just let the diary
go but I'm going to try not to do that with this one.

I've been working quite a bit. I had a few days off last
week and I went down to Kokomo. I had THE greatest time!
It was such a good visit. On Wednesday I met Heather at
her house. We went to Staples to say hi, left shortly
after. THen we went to the mall and had a cookie and made
fun of people (definitely our speciality), went in to Hot
Topic & Claires. We went to Walgreens and bought some
throat things (It was either that or just remove my throat
from my body). Then we met up with Michelle and Adam at
Applebee's. After we ate Michelle rode with me to take
Heather home. We tried to hook up with Stephanie with no
luck. She was 'too busy.' I was a bit upset by that but
hey, what can ya do. Michelle and I went back to her
house, watched Pretty Woman, talked a bit, played with
Hannah and then crashed. I was feeling like pure shit and
she was extremely understanding. When we woke up the next
morning she called off work. I went to the hospital to see
Jenny and ended up seeing a lot of other people as well.
It was really nice for the most part. It'll be awhile
before I go back in there again. The memories just aren't
the greatest. That's a part of my life and some of the
people that I've tried to let go of. (BUT HELLLLLOOOO
Teresa workin at the Hugger!?!?) ;) When we saw Jenny she
said that she had a game at 530 and asked me to come. I
didn't know how I was going to work that in my schedule but
it worked out fine. I took Michelle to H&R Block to get
her tax check and then to the bank to cash it. I dropped
her back off at her house and then headed straight for the
game. I was a few minutes late but I got to see most of
it. Heather's sister, Angie, ended up being there along
with all of Jenny's family (which didn't speak to me, mind
you) and then Josh, Jenny's fiancee came in and talked to
me for the rest of that game. I had called Heather and
asked her to come out since her sister was there and she
came in after clinicals. I was really surprised that she
came in but I was thrilled to see her again. After the
games Jenny, Heather, Josh, Luke and I went to Harvey's for
dinner. It was nice feeling like I was a part of them
still/again. Jenny asked me if I wanted to stay there that
night instead of driving home and I, of course, took her up
on it. She's great. She's a person I can lay and cuddle
with and completely understand that there's nothing else
there and never will be. Of course, that was her decision
but I understand it! ;) I woke up in the morning and had
almost no voice so I called in to work. I lounged at home
all day, cleaned up my room and unpacked some more. Dad
was supposed to have a dart tournament but he didn't feel
like going. His company decided to go on strike and he
wasn't in the best of spirits. Thankfully, they have now
decided to go back in to negotiations so hopefully they'll
come to a better answer. That man can't afford to be
without an income and, more importantly, without health
insurance.

I worry about him and often wonder if he's fallen in to
some sort of depression - which I would totally
understand. I'm scared, though, and not too many people
seem to recognize that. I'm tired of being strong, the one
that holds everyone up around here... Why can't someone let
me just break? Why can't I just fall apart and be a
hysterical mess? Why do I have to keep pushing all that
away?

Damn them. The rest of the days have been good. They've
been full of work, dad, darts and sleep. Finally feeling
better for the most part. But, I'm totally going to be
late for work so I'm outta here. I have more to say but no
more time.

Does this make do for an update?


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