Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2005-02-06 21:23:00 (UTC)

Are you ready? Do you know when ready is?

I've been working on my car for two hours today. I got
couple more parts off and then I got to a bolt which holds
the main cooling system in place. Its so tightly attached
on it, its as if its welded on there. I go so frustrated, I
came back here. Right now I feel like I'm being held back
from driving my car to florida all because of that stupid
cooling attachment!
I most likely won't be able to work on it tomorrow
because of the rain we're getting here. Its really annoying
considering that its still winter this time of the year.
Its always muddy outside, because its been raining off and
on. But even the weather can't stop me from following my
heart. I'm not saying anything about destiny though.
Whatever has to happen will happen in everyday of my life.
The feeling I'm in right now is emotionally
discouraging, but I'm always praying for a better tomorrow.
I'm still living in the present of course. Today is sunday,
so all of my friends went home. So now I have time to plan
for valentines day comming up the next week after I
believe. Last year Astrid was my valentine of course. She
is doing well so far from what she tells me.
She finally went and got her nipples pierced. I
remember thats a moment she and I wanted to share back in
the day. It always hurts knowng that it was another moment
in time that we could've been together. But it'll be ok I
suppose. I know I'm probably expecting too much at times...
I also probably ask for too much as well.
But I would never put myself before the people I love.
I try to be as polite and kind to everyone as much as I
possibly can, without expecting anything in return. I have
to admit that its not something thats easy to do with out
having an emotional breakdown. My friend robert is very
lucky. The girl he loves lives in the same state as him.
Its harldy over a 60 minute drive to her house. And he has
never lost her... not even once.
The girl I love lives so far away, it takes many
resources to prepare for even just one visit. It takes many
hours of driving and concentration to get there, and money.
And even now, its hard because I'm working on my car
everyday just make sure I'll be ok when I do leave. But
the most difficult part to me isn't any of that. No, the
hardest part would be that she no longer has feelings for
me like she used to. We're not even together anymore... she
is with another guy.
That really lowers my morale and spirit. And of course
it still hurts thinking about it. It won't change anything
talking about it however. I'm doing everything in my power
to get to my goal next month... and I mean everything!
Sacrifices are very important to me at this time. Some of
the times are expendable, while others are pirceless. Its
hard to decide on which sacrifices are more worth making.
But right now I'm always living in the moment, while all
the time constantly planning ahead. Alright, I'm getting
off here for today


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