Is This What It's All About ?
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2005-02-06 16:58:38 (UTC)

Steve and the Night Out

It almost seemed as if Steve was hesitant to go out with
me one on one, that's why I asked if he wanted any of his
buddies to come along. I cannot believe my stupid frends
can't find a babysitter, to watch her kids before she
leaves, what am I supposed to take her out for an early
bird special so she can be home on time.
Well he was still hung over from the prior night when he
came into work on Thursday, he does not realize how
adorable that is sometimes, that someone can see his
vunerability. No I will never use it to hurt him.
I truely do enjoy his company, but as I have said to
myself before I don't think he has room for another
friend/person in his life right now. Yes, we have talked
about getting out of town and moving to Texas together, I
don't think he knows when I set my mind to something it is
made up. I would love to have him along, I know he would
make the best of companions in a living situation. Why he
is not with someone is beyond me, there are so many
qualities that I have seen in that man.
Another concern is that who does not want to find that
perfect someone you are meant to be with, then what, when
we are in a house together, one of is says sorry it's time
for the other to leave and devastation arrises again in
the others life. Is this the right way to go ? I know he
thinks I am one of the guys ? I don't know. Yes, I love
sports, mudding, bikes and all those other crazy things
because of the rush it gives me. I don't care what other
people think because this is my life and I know we are
here for such a blink of an eye, I love my arrogance, but
at the same time no one should be put down for who they
are, unless you are trailer trash . I want to work hard
and live my life. How do you find that perfect mate when
you are so picky yourself ? Oh well I am diverting again.
Well after going out with Steve on Friday, yes I have seen
him silly drunk and he is still a gentleman, yes he did
pour a cold bottle of water down my shirt but I cant bring
myself to ever get mad at him, damn him. He is honestly
the sweetest guy I have met in along time and I am
extremely comfortable with him. Still boggles the mind to
find out who he is intertested in at that damn club and it
was not about looks, another shocker about him.
I am letting my guard down and I am scared about getting
hurt even as a friend. I can turely say I love him as a
friend. Does he have the capability to leave what he is
comfortable with behind ? I have traveled all over and
never looked back, because I don't want this ride called
life to be stagnant, it's an adventure that should be
lived to the fullest and take your next breath of air like
its your last.
Can he go low key and just relax, or does every weekend
have to be hyper ? I would like to see him in one of my
settings in a jazz club in Chicago and just walking
Michigan Ave and taking things in stride, my museums, the
designs if the buildings and how things are made. Only
time will tell, but these are the things I need to see to
be able to commit and live with him as a roomie. It's
almost like being married without the paper. Or we will
see once I am at Elm Grove if I am totally forgotten
about, out of sight out of mind.