nin137

Nick's Journal
2005-02-05 23:18:16 (UTC)

Untitled

a guess this is one of my journal entries where i have
nothing to write about. i'm writing just to write, so bear
with me. lately i haven't done too much exciting stuff.
and as this is usually the case with my life i try not to be
like those guys who have 1,000 journal entries, all a
paragraph of ridiculously boring drivel caste upon a page of
html just to ascertain that their lives aren't without
merit. but now, with this journal, i am guilty of the same
vanity. i have been helping out the new associate at the
law firm. poor girl. she's going crazy, she's fucked up
really badly in her first week, mainly because she is so
determined to make herself seem self-sufficient. that's the
way you fuck up. it reminds me of mark twain's quote,
"better to be silent and be thought of as a moron, than open
your mouth and remove all doubt."
all new people should take this to heart. what have i done
in my first 3 weeks? ask questions. i'm so annoying it's
not even right. i have no qualms asking questions all the
time and seeming like the moron that i am. it keeps
expectations low and allows you to exceed them later on.
anyhow, so i really have nothing to write about. i just sit
here and i wonder about what i would like to do with my
life. i always wonder at what point in life you stop
wondering that, and just acquiescence to what you have. i
suppose that's when you truly die. anyway, i thinka bout
what i have done and what i plan on doing and how i really
just have my own motivation to go upon. it's kind of
exciting.
i walk in and out of the metro with all these people and i
just think about how i am just fooling them. how they think
that i have descended into their sad, vacant lives, devoid
of any happiness other than a saturated $8.99 olive garden
meal. just the thought that i can still move on from their
own hell of happiness makes life so thrilling.
i listen to my co-workers as they lament their children and
established lives and i just love telling them how i got
hammered last night dancing to 80s music.
the convo i had with nicole on friday summed up how i live
my life.
"i'm letting go of caffeine, it has ruined my life."
"whatdya mean? just drink ah cup ah day!"
"i can't, when i drink it i pound back 5 cups and an energy
drink."
"well don't! just have one, and you'll be fine, dontcha know?"
"why don't you stop drinking diet cokes?"
"i love them."
"well when i start doing something i realize the effect they
have on me and i enjoy that effect. it's sort of how some
people live."
"oh, but....."
"when i was in high school in austria, we'd have 4 cups of
coffee in the morning, then get so strung out we'd have a
beer for lunch to calm us back down. then we'd get so
fucking tired we'd need 2 more cups to get us back to
normal, and then a third to help us end the day. this would
in turn wind us up so much we'd need a couple of beers to
calm us down at night."
"oh......well i guess that's an equilibrium."
exactly.