Goodnight, Starlight.

2005-02-05 16:28:28 (UTC)

February 5th 2005

Sorry I havnt written in so long. I always forget about
this thing, as well as everything else. Many things have
changed since my last entry. Why does everything change.
This time its for the best. I guess I'll tell you whats

Greg and I dont talk, at all. He deleted me, I deleted him.
He readded me(as paul predicted), he told me he only
deleted me because he was sad, and everytime he saw my
name, it made everything worse. So i just deleted him
again. I dont want to talk to him. I really don't, and I'm
sorry for that. I just cant handle it anymore. You make me
feel so guilty, and every possible emotion that I don't
want to be feeling. This way I am happy.

Things with Jake...Thing have changed there as well. We
dont really fight anymore, no more blocking. We ARE
friends. Im so happy. I dont want him to hate me, I dont
want to hate him. I want to see him more. Everythings back
to the way it was before, our connection. The only thing
thats different is that I dont like him like I did before.
I do have feelings for him, it's just not the same. Im
planning to go up to Maitland and see him, if he lets me. I
want to kiss him just to see how things go, to see if I
feel anything. If not, then woot. If so, then I dont know.
He told me the other day that he is starting to like me
again. Ugh. Now we're back to the somewhat "i love you"
thing before one of us leaves. Thats what made me fall for
him the last time. This time its not going to happen. I'm
keeping my feel on the ground and I'm staying stable. Im
not going to fall for it again, because no one knows, it
may be a trap. Watch out.

Paul and I are the same really. We talk, but I'm more open
to what I say. I act like I usually do with everyone else.
Just so random.Telling him useless things. before I used to
be limited to what I say, because I thought he might think
I'm stupid, or he might get mad at me. But now, my attitude
is just like "fuck it, this is the way I really am, and if
he doesnt like it, then whatever. llow". So, its all good.
He thinks im a joker. And he said im flippin marvelous, so
I guess he doesnt have a problem with the way I've been
acting. Ahh. We've pretty much got the dates worked out,
the 10th of June to the 27th, somewhere 'round then. Grad
dance :-) Yessss. Well, I hope.

Things have been the same in school. Everyone thinks I'm
crazy because I love math to death. It's just so much fun.
Erugh. 94% on my last test. Not bad at all. Evryday, I'm
just sitting there, next thing you know "Wow, I LOVE MATH".
Everyone just stares at me. Like I'm a 2 headed gorilla.
Anyway, I am a complete retard. For the past week, ive been
saying Hello to all the popular kids in my class. Erica,
Kathleen, Tomek, Ryan.....Kyle Cosgrove. Haha. he probably
thinks I like him by now. Everytime i see him, "Ehhhh
Kyleeeee ;)". Yesterday in Science class, Amanda and Stacey
dared me to go over and give him a hug, so of course Erica
and Kathleen wanted to know what was going on. So Stacey
and Amanda told them what I was dared to do. So they told
Kyle. Kyle kept looking at me. Then we moved onto English
class, everyone on his friends tryed to get him to hug me
first. They dared him to. But i shook my head at them. So
kyle was just like "Look, she doesnt want me too, let me
go". It was funny. But the REALLY funny thing was, on our
way into English class, Amanda and I were standing right in
front of the doorway, and I being an idiot, decided to hang
off her frontular area, so Ashley comes up behinds us
because we're moving to "slow", and pushes us. We of course
fall into the doorway, into a teacher, and my head smacks
on the floor. My whole head hurt. Kyle stood over me,
wanted to get into the classroom, so i said "Ehhhhhh Kyle
*pointed fingers at him* ;)....ow". he smiled and walked
away. He really thinks I'm a retard. I love it.

Gym is actually pretty fun now. We're doing badminton. I
like to make a fool of myself in the class, playing that
sport. I go to hit the birdy, and i fall to the floor. I
dont care what people think of me when I do random things
like that. But if its planned out, like playing basketball
WITH the class, i freak out. Im so weird.

15 days till my birthday. 16 days till Pauls. 14 days till
my "party". Wee. February 11th I'm pretty sure I'm going to
the Pavilion with Kendra and Jilly to see Lefthandedheart
33, 52 minutes, SheKills, and Anoxia. Should be so much
fun. Then I found out Hellacaust is playing on the 19th.
Jake and Kyle are going to the show. I want to see him
before my birthday. The 19th was suposed to be my party. So
now I might just take Amanda, chris, kendra and Jilly to
the show. So they can get a taste of some cool mosh pits,
and good music. I must admit, Hellacaust is really good. So
i might take them all to that show. Then just chill on the
20th. And hang out with Amanda around her birthday, have a
sleepover. Llow. I don't know.

Trying to think if i have any other news...Oh, i just got
over a one week flu. It was stupid. Coughing up phlegm,
haha, phlegm. Threw up twice, fever, all that stupid shit.
It was funny, Me, Amanda, Stacey, My Mom, and Paul were all
sick at the same time. We're so cool.

This entry it getting to be really long. Longer then i
expected. I had more news then I thought.

33 michelee. mackiee =)

P.s. Its only because you touch yourself at night. And no,
thats not a cover up joke to show people I'm the one who
actually touches myself at night, Paul.