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2005-02-04 16:19:29 (UTC)

What Can I Do?

I keep going back and forth on what to do. One minute I'm
telling myself give him time. He'll realize that he does
love you and doesn't want to tear his family apart, but
then I think how can I stay in a house with someone I love
and need dearly now(because of the pregnancy)and be total
strangers to each other. I saw my therapist yesterday, she
told me that I'm doing wrong by trying to talk to him about
his therapy or about how he feels. She says that he's not
going to be able to tell me anything for awhile. I told her
about what he said last weekend and what happen later. She
said that is to be expected because he's just living on
emotion right know. Basically I have to take things as they
go. His ups and downs are going to tear me up inside. She
said to let him go, don't talk to him unless he talks and
don't do for him. He's mature and knows what he needs, let
him do for himself. I've always taken care of everything
for him, but with the way things are now and how I have
needs too, I'm just going to take care of myself and my
daughter and try not to worry about him or my marriage. I
hope he gets on medicine soon. I don't know if he has yet
or not since I'm not suppose to ask him. This is so hard. I
made the mistake of telling my mom more about what's going
on. She's about to blow up at him. I know all that will do
is make things worse. She keeps telling me to leave and
burn him. She says I could get him and have full custody of
our daughter because of his mental problems. I know that's
not fair, but nothing is fair for me right know either. She
still doesn't know about the baby. She will loose it on him
when she finds out. I'm going to hold out as long as
possible because hopefully he'll have a good turn around
here soon and it won't matter anymore. I also told my
therapist how he says that he's made peace with his
childhood a long time ago. She replied that that is
bullshit. She says there no way anyone could go through
what he's went through and figure everything out on his
own. He doesn't think his past is effecting our
relationship, but my therapist says that is what's causing
this. I told her about the blow up with his mom around
Christmas time and she believes that's whats trigger this.
She said he probabaly was upset and trying to ignore what
he was feeling, so instead he focus on something that would
make him happy. So that's probably when the baby idea pop
in his head, which she said was very wrong on his part. She
says that this just makes things more complicated then they
need to be and that he should have known better. So, now
what? Stay there and keep trying or go? I don't know, I'm
just so exhausted from all of this. I guess I'll do what my
therapist says for now. I'm going to try and rest and keep
myself busy. I guess I'll try and sugar coat things for my
mom so I don't have to worry about things getting out of
hand. Dear Lord, help my husband to be well, help him
figure out what's wrong and fix our family. All I want is
his love and for us to be a family. Is that to much to ask?
Help me to be strong for my daughter and him. If he does
leave Lord, I can't say what I'll do, I do know that I'll
probably make mistakes, so please show me what to do. This
is so hard right know, I just don't know if I have the
strength to carry on. Just help my family, please. Amen.

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