Being 33
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2005-02-04 03:48:37 (UTC)

Over and Over Again

Today was a tough day.

I missed him so much...not sure how long it will be before
I am completely over him...that's the price of loving, the
wrong dude, that is.

I was purging my emails and I kept on reading the same over
and over...he was a flake and I was a lamer. When will I
learn to say: STOP - GO AWAY - You don't deserve my love!
on time...I always wait until I'm vested into the
relationship to get to that point which makes the recovery
time, all the more intense.

Did he love me? He felt something, I guess...but he has no
respect for love or women's feelings...I should have known
by the way he spoke of the young woman he was seeing before time went by, I realized he was full of shit. He
really knows how to market himself and make himself look
good...Poor little lost boy..NOT.

A different type of user from the one I knew before. But a
user all the same. He's not real. He's not real to
himself, so how can be real to anyone else.

Granted, I too am at fault. I need to boost my self-esteem
and not allow my emotions to govern my life as much.

I had a dream of us.

It was a beautiful dream.

I have pictures, memories, we laughed, we cried...and yes,
I think we loved each other too. It's life. It's my life.

I love me, I just need to love me better.