Elizabeth

Elizabeth M.
2005-02-03 17:30:05 (UTC)

I am not like her!!!

I have no clue on what is going on w/Mark and his moods.
Last night he said something hurtful to me and laught about
it. It had to do with the peace order against Karen. I told
him that it wasn't funny. He thought that I was pissed off
so he wouldn't play w/me. then he went upstairs w/o telling
me good night and I thought it was rude of him. He insisted
that he told everyone goodnight but he never did. I know if
I was going to go to bed I let everyone know that and ask
Mark to come upstairs w/me and ask him to stay w/me until I
fell asleep. I would at least kiss him and hug him and tell
him that I loved him before going to bed.
Anyways, we started to talk before he went to sleep and he
kept on rambling on about himself and etc. I just told him
that 1. If I was that mad at him that I would of told him
because that is how I am and walked out the front door. 2.
That its not only about himself that there are other people
involved like me. Sometimes I think he's just using me for
rides and ect and then again, when we are alone.... I see
the side that is loving, compassionate, affectionate,
hugging and ect. I told him that I feel like I have to beg
for his time, I don't like that. I don't care that he works
long hours that doesn't bother me. But I would like
sometime alone were it's just him and I, like having dinner
together or a movie, just relaxing. I know that he doesn't
want to do anything but that is not the type of person I
am, I am a people person, I like going out, even if it's
just to walk around the block.
He did make me upset last night when he compared me to
Karen again. I told him never to do that again, I am
nothing like her, And if he did it again that I was leaving
for good!!! That is something that will put me in a rage
and knock some heads off. Sometimes he can be so hurtfull.
He asked me to lay down beside him so I did and I just
hugged him and told him that Ilove him! He really didn't
know how upset I was about him comparing me to Karen. I am
not a monster like her and I am not childish like her and I
don't use people like her. Is this how he thinks of me? It
angrs me to think that.
Anyways, I told Mark that I would help him w/his sleeping
problems and so when i see him next time I will give him
these things to use and he will sleep peacefully.

I don't think that Mark really understands me. I don't know
about how he feels but i am ready to move onto the next step
(living together)... he keeps on mentioning it to me. And I
can pay rent and everything. We Will See.


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